September 2019

BLM WHM SMN SCH THF RNG BRD MNK WAR DRK PLD > 99

Love Happens.

This was last month, I was have had a HUGE amount of stress added because my sister is RIGHT THERE willing to trash my feelings and I am forced to justify that as normal but I know that it isn't.  It's just a feeling.  

I have a loose relationship with my computer because sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't work at all.  I tried for the longest time to post that drawing of Erin/whatever and I couldn't get it done.  The scans have a huge amount of memory required to display and all of that doesn't fit in Twitter so I have since learned to display the images in JPG format and it has worked.  I have also registered for YouTube and that seems to be working fine now though previously I wasn't sure if I wanted to use my real information to register.  And, although I had HUGE aspirations to posting a regular "news" show on my own channel, it's much more difficult now, having my hothead sister nearby, so my spirit or ambition or my desire to get attention, is somewhat smashed.  

You know, people know the right thing to do but they don't tell you how difficult doing the right thing can be.  You probably think that this must have something to do with some serious act that I committed that requires that I be followed around but I can tell you that THIS is it.  Just a bunch of people trying to keep me silent when what I know is really not that much at all.  

Again, I believe they just need me to be famous, it's not necessary if I am actually guilty of something.  

I might start up FFXI again because I want to be able to post pictures that apply to what I did that month.  Usually I like to write about some amazing philosophical truth that I came across that month that makes ubiquitous sense in some way... but we'll see what happens.  

I am amazed about church.  All those movies that portray religious people as evil made NO sense until this church did what it did.  But it's not that the RELIGION is faulty it's that groups of people are faulty.  And sure I have had my problems with churches growing up.  My principal who was married to the pastor used to talk about people ripping pages out of the Bible because they could not prove their point and I remember thinking that THAT'S what I wanted to do was argue some point among the higher ups.  But this behavior that has happened to me, this "violence" of people just hearing something and acting against me without asking me or talking to me, this ALIEN behavior, that's truly amazing.  It's an attempt at exile and I wonder just what they expect to happen.   I also wonder who's going to pay for those crimes.  How will you make up for it when you have YET to acknowledge you have wronged me?  And what's worse to think about is what about all of the other incidents?  Sure this church is bad but those OTHER people are really bad, so who goes first(and it would probably be easier if I just went away ya?)   Each of those whether big or small requires an accounting.  But people continue to act as though I am something less than a person, a person that does NOT require accounting for.  FREE HITS from now to eternity I suppose.  I honestly have never felt that, this FREEDOM to hate someone like as though from someone's word I could pound out their good will.  

And yet, at some level, I am glad that it's me and not someone else, because I am huge.  Really, I am huge.