Asking for it

BLM WHM SMN SCH THF RNG BRD MNK WAR DRK PLD > 99

When you are drunk, you're beautiful, and also just a bit scary.  Beautiful creatures tend to be placid, gentle, and even a bit mysterious yes?  You are just a little bit MORE of how you normally are.  Maybe a bit more friendly, a bit more preachy, a bit more careless... perhaps.  

This is what YOU think.  

What others think is that you are out of control.  A possible manslaughterer, a possible spitter and pisser in public, even a possible skips out on his tab-er-er.  Most of what you say may seem like friendly talk but the reality of it is that lingering in every word... is the possibility that you might SPILL THE BEANS about a certain something or someone, and it's people like this that make doing crime a real hassle I imagine.  

Oh and let's not leave out what the criminals think.  People that do crime are opportunists.  They look for weak people and when they need help, they trap em into some agreement that both know is illegal.  And this can only work out if one of the two people is a good person, why, because good people don't betray others is why.   Such is what it's like to be a good person in a bar, you are like a sheep in a wool factory, what could happen?  People that will betray others are a dime a dozen.  It's like they said in 3:10 to Yuma, and let me paraphrase(like Alex says) [only the most terrible person could lead a gang] and at any given moment he needs to be able to betray them all.  So noone is all that interesting at the bar because that's what they are is betrayers and they want nothing better than to have you trust them so they can betray you.  

Ok, probably said enough about that, though I could say more.  The point today is to explain what drunk people look like to others.  My mother and I were just having a conversation about scary and she asked me what I would think if someone came to the front door drunk asking for help.  

They are asking for it, right?

They want you to help them because they were in a car crash and even though you don't realize that you are drunk and black and your hair is messed up, your good intentions and well-meaning family have nurtured your willingness to interact with others so much that you thought it was ok to go up to a ranch house and ask to use the phone.  

At this point, someone says something you don't hear, you ignore it and now it's time to shoot you in the FACE with a shotgun.  Sound like anyone in the news recently?  

Yeah, cuz fact is drunk people are scary to people that don't drink an ounce of liquor or whatever.  I remember talking to a psychologist and she was telling me she didn't drink an ounce of alcohol and to myself I was like "then HOW can you know anything about what it's like to be me?"  It's just stupid, if you've never been there you can't walk in and start telling people where things are located.  

Now I don't want to involve you in my politics about drinking, I know I am not an alcoholic just like I know I'm not gay just like I know I am not addicted to cunnilingus.  But people like to argue so go ahead I guess.  But fact is you are going to have to have a wide set of experiences if you ever want to be someone who KNOWS what they are talking about in front of a general audience.  Oh sure you can script it from textbooks but if you can't explain why... people are going to know you are like, in the military or something.   

Ok, so now that I am on the military in a way let's get to the crust of the matter.  America is in trouble with the rest of the world.  It thinks that we are well thought of, we like to have fun sometimes and when we make a mistake we just accidentally ruin a country or two but it's not like we are taking over the world, right?   Just a minor slipup, couldn't happen again right?  But it's not so easy to get us out of the pickle we are in.  

I was once MUCH more bossy than I am now. I lived with 3 women, not including my sister who lived to do what I say as well as my brother, sort of.  We went from place to place having good times and drinking Natural Light which was close to water but as it turns out when you are happy with friends, the lighter the beer the better.  And it was pretty damn cheap too.   OH BOY did I get into trouble back then.  One time I was yelling at this girl at a Calico Jack's that was on the floor to hurry up and get up so that we could leave and she wouldn't get up so I yelled at her some more and some guy told me to stop.  I asked him if he was going to give her a ride home and he was like OH NO YOU DON'T.  But my girlfriend was transfixed on wanting to help her and if she trusted her that was good enough for me.  Trouble yes?  Another time I didn't like a guy that my sister was with and he spit on my car almost to where I could tell it was him... almost.  Another time this girl was pretending to want to have sex with me but I could tell she was drunk and left her alone but we were alone in a dark room for a long time and she was not unattractive but being 20 I was "considering" it.   About 20 minutes later, I hear a big huge ruckus about some guy raping a girl in the very house I was in and it was that same girl but with another guy that was like confused and shocked and I myself was like perplexed at what happened, knowing what I knew.  I obviously didn't want him to go to jail for rape but meh, what did I know right?  

Well, that's 20 year olds for ya.  Trusting and foolish and slightly out of sync with reality, most especially MY group of 20 year olds.  But the time passed and quite a few other amazing moments led up to my 21st birthday where my brother got pounded into the ground by one of the 3 girlfriends' brother that was "sort of" invited but not by me.  Later they had to take him to a hospital and the next day we sort of were "forced to leave" by the other 2 girls I lived with and their NEW boyfriend who,  a couple of weeks later, because we both had the same babysitter, told us laughingly that ThEY got kicked out of the apartment because WE happened to be the ones with jobs.  

Welcome to my life.  

Luckily my mother took us all in and even though I was having a ball, and somehow not landing in jail, I was getting tired of the GOOD life.  It wasn't long after that I moved on from McDonald's and that girlfriend and got a job at Citibank and for some reason, because I had much more money and NO girlfriend... I got into FAR LESS trouble from then on.   

I'm not kidding.  For like 10 YEARS after that, I didn't get to date too much or anything, but since I was young I just attested it to my pickiness and my squalid approach to impressing women which was like, ASK ME about my life instead of ME ASKING THEM out on a date.   But my reputation might have had something to do with it.  

So sidetracked yeah?  Anyways, I wanted to give you some of the value of having me as your master.  Now I don't expect you to do everything I imply but I would like you to act towards me as though I have lived quite a full life, and have even lived quite an ABSENCE of it.  My point is that even though I am living my life like I have done nothing wrong, and I haven't by the way, it's naive of me to think that people wouldn't talk.  Now that I have time to think back, I wonder at how much of that whole era is out there in the public as a a warning to people to WATCH OUT for me like I am some kind of violent or something.   

That is where our country is.  

We have done "questionable things" to other countries and all including Russia would LOVE to use that information to dominate us despite the validity of our arguments.  And what about Iraq?  Are WE responsible for not "saving" the population from tyrants?  How long would it take to get one of our election crews out there do a census and register everyone and count up every vote, DO the election and get out of there?  

It's not hard.  

When you think of the world's problems, you need to tell yourself that over and over so that you remember that adding a tax makes it hard, pricing something 2.99 makes it hard, calling your gf all day long makes her life hard and often all of these things are done by the rich people, the ones that want to spend your money, pay less taxes and keep tabs on you so that THEY can go cheat on you.   You should try to make life less hard and be suspicious of "hard" things, like economics, medicine, drugs, and laws.  

It's just us on this planet talking to each other.  Saying what you mean isn't hard unless there is some secret there.  

Alright, so what to do about Iraq.  We could send troops to bolster their army.  We saw that most of their army likes to GIVE UP at the sign of truly terrible foes, so why even help them right?  We could send air strikes which is more like using poison on roaches, than it is like negotiating with a people.  Or we could just forget about it and let the most powerful people rule and wait for what happens when someone LESS trustworthy than Saddam gets into power and presents his ideas on how things should run.  

I'm guessing his views won't come out of a religious text.  

I will offer you MY advice now, knowing what I know from what has been a dismal 20 years of NO RISK since I was 20 years old.  And that is that we you RULE with a soft hand, accidents happen but people continue to trust your good judgement as long as you keep on ruling.  I was happy and mistaken many times in those days, but noone EVER thought that I treated them badly, despite yelling and fighting and moving out and many other things, you won't find a SOUL to say I was a bad man.  

And that is what I recommend to the government.  We need to go over to Iraq, have their elections, have the United Nations, oversee it, explain how religions are for children and explain how having a belief system ALIENATES others and why it must be forbidden... at least for like 10 years.  

They need to adopt a plain consitution of merchant laws and property and forget all of this feeling good about your God.  And only after 10 years of living without a belief can they be ALLOWED the LUXURY of believing in something.  Movies, soccer or football, even Joel O Steen or music concerts... ALL OF THAT needs to be forbidden for 10 years until they get moving again.  ALL of their businesses need to be owned by people with a clean slate.  All debts removed, all crimes forgiven and a re-draw of the property maps with contracts at a 1 year maximum.  Banks and other businesses should be something simple at first and then allow fancy risky pricing to exist as people begin to ruin their good credit.  

And we need a base there, not just an embassy, but a base with missile silos and fences and even a Disneyland if it gets big enough but we need to have that there yesterday because Pakistan is nuclear and frankly I blame everything that is wrong sith that country on Pakistan's intelligence or lack of it.  

Yes I know what you are going to say, promoting the philosphy of benevolent dictator... is asking for it.