For some guys it's mechanical

BLM:90 WHM:90 SMN:90 THF:90 WAR:90 DRK:90 RNG:90 PLD:90

I used to love Vanilla Sky. It reminded me of a very beautiful woman that I was once in love with. I never used to think so but then my father asked me once if I loved her and it occurred to me that I must be if he's asking me about it.

The downside is she was married. I won't say I was actively going after her but because a previous relationship was as friends that turned to something else, then I wondered if this was also.

Problem with me is that my first serious relationship was with a married woman who needed out of her marriage. He was cheating on her and the clues were everywhere and all this while she was working 50 hours a week at a restaurant.

Psychologically this made me a bitch-man. Because she made it obvious to me that she wanted me, I got programmed perhaps incorrectly, to wait for the woman to make it obvious. I had such a sense of pride in myself that if a woman was not dropping her pants after our first night out, then she must not be that interested because if she was she would act like this married woman acted.

I realize now that this is wrong because it's easy to drop your pants when you are already screwing someone, namely your husband. In fact you could say that this is why guys that are married are ALSO easily bedded because to them it's all mechanical and flavor oriented.

Feelings have nothing to do with it.

So while I am growing up (in my 20s, eek) I keep waiting and waiting and waiting for all these girls to give me eyes or hands or to touch me or at least smell nice and when some few of them do I react like a bitch-man. I put myself on the backup list and tell myself "alright now that I am on her list, all I have to do is wait for her to leave him", ...and you can guess how many times THAT happened!

Wow. I could actually keep complaining for AGES and I don't get tired of hearing myself, this is GREAT! Hmm, maybe not so good for my readers ya? Well, TOO BAD!

Fact is, I kept waiting for single women to pop up somewhere out of nowhere and they NEVER showed. I hung out at the same bars. I went to parties when I could. But I never saw some girl sitting there waiting for me to go up and talk to her. NEVER. So someone up there is either playing a trick on me or over time I got a bad reputation. But what can I do? Ask someone hey do I got a bad rep? No. I just have to keep guessing what is up and wondering where the cows are.

Well to be fair I want OMG girls. I am or was too arrogant. It's not meant to be off-putting, I developed it as a defense mechanism for when I was too scared to talk to a girl. It's like seeing your dead mother and then saying, "it's not her". To face your fear is a frightful thing.

Ok sidetracked, this reminds me of Lincoln. he said it would take days to prepare a good short speech, but he could come back and talk facts in about an hour with some certitude but that if you were really in a hurry he could give a rambling dreadfully long speech right NOW!

So back to Vanilla Sky, so in the movie he falls in love with Sofia but only after being careless with Julie's feelings. He was a REAL jerk to Julie I might add, and Cameron Diaz should charge Tom something extra for that role.

Once you scare someone, they never forget your face. For an actor to do it, is like signing your own retirement. But like most things it's a risk. My days of liking Cameron Diaz came to a quiet close after that movie, so that's why she needs to charge him something but meh I liked her in Knight and Day so I guess he got it right.

Anyways, I watched this movie over and over and if I wasn't in love at first, with that girl my father mentioned, I came closer to it after watching this movie. I started to dream that it was possible but that I lost my chance... or that my best days were behind me. I started to believe that I was doomed to not be with someone I actually loved, but to settle.  

I have it on DVD but recently I watched it on streaming video and I got a very different take on it. This time I saw someone that could not escape his bad reputation. (It's funny because I am now much cured of most previous desires I had.)  

Everywhere he turned, people seeing him, him looking at himself, and always this crushed face in the mirror that the first girl Julie caused to have happen to him. The only solution, to accept your father is dead that your friend was true to you and that at least you have a chance to fix all that after you come back to life. Good message TOM! Lessee if I got this right about someone in love.

"You're long dead, I'm frozen, and I love you" "It's a problem" " That's ok, I can find you again"

So what is next? OH I dunno, movie says to jump off a building...

Jerks. This means you Nancy Wilson. Don't think I don't know it was you that told them all this STUFF to put in the movie. Impeccable music btw, you know if you were a mermaid, and took your top off, and could play underwater...

I keep wanting to end this.. um lessee how to get back at Nancy Wilson... "don't run too fast like a shot from a gun// don't jump too high and knock out the sun// don't fly away to places unknown// cuz when you finally come knockin, when you finally come knockin there'll be nobody home// nobody home//

Ps. YOu know what's funny is that TOM Cruise was dating Penelope Cruz after the movie right? But in the very first part of the movie there is a scene with a front cover with Katie Holmes on it. A VERY FINE youngsomething Katie Holmes in shorts.  Wow. Kudos man, you might be unwittingly getting people to jump off of buildings, hah, but at least you know what you want.

Two for me, none for you! XD 

Oh and just to take some of that steam off, recently I pictured Helen Hunt getting stopped by someone who was curious to know if she knew at the time that she would be getting people killed by making the movie Twister? Food for thought(FFT)