House of the Devil

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Word to the wise I'm about to talk about a terrible movie that only someone like me would find interesting.  the name of it is called House of the Devil.  It's a 2009 movie about a real life set of murders done in the 80s, so if you are nostalgic you will sort of appreciate all of the gadgets, if not you really are going to hate this movie and ME for making you have to watch it not once but twice.  

It starts off oddly enough with a message that says most people believed in satanic cults and a good portion of them think that the government covered them up.  So this is like a true story but it isn't.  

First thing is first, if you are 40+, you need to watch it once just to get that hairball out of your throat.  You are going to hate all of it, the middle, the ending, even the famous people that are not really the star, but you will find yourself willing to watch it again after you read this because it is cryptic and we know HEY this is about government cover-ups maybe.  

And second thing is first, or second, I am going to do a lot of guessing.  I don't have first hand knowledge of cults and if I WAS a member I certainly wouldn't be spouting off my knowledge of it.  

Ok, now the main character is a sweet looking 19 year old.  I'm slightly amazed at how often the camera centers around her skinny legs and butt and crotch area.  Maybe this is to fluff up the point that she is booty to the satanists.  Maybe people want to know how someone so young can have thigh gap.  Maybe people don't believe this girl is really 18.   In any case, she looks too young to be admired but if you watch long enough she really starts to grow on you.  By the second time watching I was like OMG I want her.   So meh, watch at your own risk. 

The movie starts with her trying to rent an apartment for $300.  A ONE bedroom.  It's normal enough.  Lady is going to give her a break and not make her pay a deposit, nice start.  Now she's walking and she's walking, bony butt, bony butt, I tell you another hour of this and I PROMISE you, you will be like WHERE CAN I FIND a bony butt like that.  (Rick Springfield)  

Now the story turns because she goes back to her dorm and her roommate is having sex so she has to leave but she says something like it's morning, meaning the guy was supposed to have left already.  Possible boyfriend, possible one night stand, possible john for the whore.  How do people spell John by the way, as an adjective? 

So she takes a break, looks for some under the table job as she states later possibly so she doesn't have to give up her financial aid.  Babysitting.  She takes one of the tabs and calls.  She gets the machine, she leaves her home phone, (she at a campus phone) and hangs up.  The phone rings the guy got her message and wants her to do the job.  She says ok. 

This is the kind of person that is EASY MEAT for predators.  If you don't lie or don't break the law or if you even have faith in your church, people like this cult can't touch you but this girl has made an agreement on a public phone that can't be traced, wants to earn money under the table, and has just agreed to accept an apartment without having to place a deposit.  All of these things are public things that show YOU to be an opportunist and therefore a fish.  A fish willing to break the rules, someone willing to eat a smaller fish.  And when it comes to fish...

there's always a bigger fish.  (Quigon, Star Wars)

So she goes back to the dorm, lovebirds are pretending to be asleep, john or random guy as the credits say, gives her a wink like she might have a chance to make some money lol, well maybe he was just being friendly.  When I hit the pause, I noticed there was an ashtray full of drugs and then I noticed the girl pat him on the back after she left as if to say good job, even though she was supposed to be asleep.  

This is when YOU are in hell.  When your friends lie to you, you are steps away from the center of the maze where the Minotaur resides... and rest assured he knows the maze you are in, he's been planning to lead you down the maze LONG before he started acting or paying people to help him or her.  

By the way,Thor doesn't have a gender.  Oh you thought Thor was always a good guy?  NO my friend, no.  When you show yourself as willing to act unfairly, like Loki, Thor is the guy or girl, good or bad, that comes to sort you out 

So off she goes, tired of living with her roommate and meets up with her BFF for some pizza.  Strangely the pizza is off, like someone put something in it...

doesn't... remind me... of ANYONE. 

They have this long conversation about what just happened, oh wait so she was told to meet this guy and he never showed.  This is what it is like to BECOME a mark.  You show up somewhere public like say LAS VEGAS, and all the beasties get a good gander at what they will be feeding on, or like an initiation maybe I can't be sure.  

So after she meets up with her friend, her friend gets annoyed about her being stood up.  The friend is a girl with a Volvo who is willing to lend her money from her father but the girl won't accept it.  And off they go.  

Whenever there is any indication of rich I immediately think that they are the villain, but in this movie it wasn't the case.  But yet the friend gets vindictive, as most rich people have learned to be, and takes down all of the babysitter ads around campus so that NOONE calls back the guy that stood her up.  

Later, she finally goes into her room, guy is gone, roommate gets up from bed groggy, rubs her nose probably still laced with cocaine, and tells her she has a message.  The guy speaks to her and convinces her to come even though he stood her up.  

At this point I am reminded of many times people don't listen to repeated warnings.  You half believe you are getting warned but the warnings are not for you, can you all see that?  The warnings are for the other members of the cult, they are there so that they will be ALLOWED to sacrifice you, to feed on you, they need to be able to say "I warned him" even though you might be thinking like Cameron Diaz on that movie Knight and Day...

"that's no warning to stay off the plane Roy, you need to say IF you get on this plane you will EFFING DIE!" 

So be sensitive for warnings people, and remember this... you might think people are warning you because they DO care, but that is exactly backwards, they are warning you so they can go in with their knives if you "ignore" warnings, which of course is usually not enough warning.  

Night time.  

The girl and her BFF are a long ways from her whore roommate.  You see this part in the movie is where I get iffy as to who is the devil.  The whore doing drugs might have the gang and she might be paying the cult to kill her.  Makes sense right, she knows about the drugs, she's been winked at by some "random" guy, and she's moving out and roommate's thinking oh you can just take our secrets and see ya later no problem, we all trust you, lol.  

Ok so girl and BFF are driving to the house now and it's nighttime.  the BFF really loves her and warns her off about it and offers to stay with her to do the job that night and girl says ok, this is when BFF shows her that she took down all the signs offering the babysitting job and the girl realizes that the guy had no choice but to call HER for the job.  

This is another part of the movie where I can't follow the reality.  Are the signs a part of it?  Is the BFF in on it?  Did they ALL want her to go to the house that night or everyone but the girl and the BFF?  She does smoke cigarettes.  

What does smoking have to do with anything you say?  Well in my world I have learned that I have much more energy if I smoke or if I work out or if I drink.  All of these are a way of getting high, and what is a high person but someone that is not calm.  If you are not calm you might be hyper-active and this is indicative of a mercenary, an agent sent to spy on you for a purpose.  Just think of how that second hand smoke gets everywhere and pervades even the air you breathe, that's what an agent is.  He is not calm, he's there NOT to keep to himself but to overhear, to intrude your space, to invade your privacy.  That's a smoker.

I smoke but I never realized what this was indicative of before and I am certainly not an agent sent by someone to sit in this house or at the bar.  But it's comforting isn't it, having people take an interest in you just because you are sitting there with no purpose.  What if he works for the MMOFP? What is that, you say? It's the Massive Mammarian Olfactory Florida Police.  What do they do?  We smell boobs.  

Ha ha, yeah, it's funny until it isn't.  

When they go into the house, I am mystified by the BFF.  Everything goes well, she gets told she was not watching a baby but a old lady and once again she gets a warning and almost leaves but they agree to pay her more, $50 was the regular price but because they lied to her they will make it $100.  She says no then they double that, she says no, then when they make it $300, she says to make it $400.  

This is really a great point they are making here.  The Devil is ENORMOUS.   Never think you have the devil's hand over a barrel.  Remember in Deep Impact?  The President says, "Ms. Lerner(learner?) it may seem like we have each other's hand over a barrel but it only seems that way." She found out the secret of the meteor and was going to spill the beans and was negotiating with the President about when she would do it.  

You should respect power.  Power is a bottomless void that may have a one person face, but is an ocean of will.  If you think you are doing something unfair, check to see where you are, haha haha.  

Everything worth doing is worth doing in public.  

So she takes the money, stays behind, and reassures them that her friend is not a part of it and doesn't need to be paid and is leaving.  Her friend drives off, but pulls over in front of the house for a cigarette that she has trouble lighting.  A guy INTRUDES into the car and tries to light it for her.  She gets scared, recollects herself, smiles, and wonders where he came from and BLAM, he shoots the BFF in the skull.  

See this is the part where I wonder if the cult or the gang just got tired of the BFF who was in on it, or if she saw too much and they had to do her too.  

Later in the movie she starts to poke around the house.  She finds a picture of a family that is not the people living there.  The man had said that they recently were just moving in from out of town, LIKE ASSASSINS DO, and it occurs to her that something is wrong, especially after several attempts to call her BFF at home.  

So now she is walking around the house with a knife, kinda quirky, and she checks down below, nothing, and makes it up the stairs to respond to noises made by the "mother" she is guarding.  Oh and somewhere back there she ordered pizza and it was delivered by the guy who shot the BFF and the pizza was pre-cut indicating they probably prepared it with drugs.  So now she is approaching the room with the mother and she dozes off probably from the drugs but the movie showed her tasting the drugs and rinsing her mouth with water which makes me wonder if she was groggy from the drugs or if she was unwilling to face her fears, which puts people to sleep from doing what they NEED to do...

doesn't... remind me... of ANYONE.

Oh I forgot to mention that while she was snooping the house, the family in the picture, were shown slaughtered and placed on a pentagram behind a locked door that she never goes into.  So what happens after she wakes up from her sleep? 

SHE is on the pentagram.  Very iconic.  And now the mother she was snooping around trying to look at, is right in front of her placing blood symbols on her stomach and her forehead.  It reminds me of a scene in Mulan where agents of the Emperor notice the leader of the Huns but then his hawk notices them and they get surrounded. 

"Congratulations, you've found the Hun Army." 

The movie gets mildly gory at this point.  I was kinda rooting for the Satanists really because, well I dunno, but she manages to free herself without help and manages to slice the agent guy's neck open after getting shot.  She stabs the headhoncho with a small knife and backstabs the wife of the head honcho and quite unfairly I might add.  The mother is praying to her lord for guidance and she gets backstabbed, I tellya what's this world coming to? 

As she makes it out of the house she stumbles while trying to walk with her bony butt all shot and gets chased by the head honcho who tells her to just speak to her and when she does he tells her to just listen to all of the voices that are speaking to her but that they are almost out of time, at which point she shoots herself in the head.  

I know, disappointing.  She survives but in a hospital where you know who, is keeping her sedated.  Just imagine how much fun this movie will be the second time around?!!