Not just any girl

BLM WHM SMN SCH THF RNG BRD MNK WAR DRK PLD > 99

As you might think there is nary a reason for me to be a preacher.  I would build it, and, and ... they would not come.  I am not saying this about women but because they definitely WOULD come, but just "other" people.

Joel Joel Joel

Yep, he mentions that a preacher might not be the preacher on his show and suddenly my pastor is hinting that maybe someone in HIS congregation might be willing to do his job... which may mean he wants ME to try preaching.

Houston reaches out to Jacksonville.

But now it's time to put something "out there".   I would make a lousy preacher.  I am more a prophet than a preacher.  My followers would become militant and I would be like... let's TRY it?  That's because I am curious and sort of, well, wise.  Most preachers are NOT wise, obviously.  Either they have NO IDEA people are in charge of the city or they are IN LEAGUE with the people that control other people.  This is a necessary part of the city perhaps, I honestly have no clue about that... but I do know that this is why that Rutger Hauer cardinal was up there in charge in the movie SIN CITY.

"They were just whores."

Yeah if there is some CONTROL group out there in charge of people, I am the furthest thing from someone that should be near that.  I would never preach "they were just whores" or "just black people" or "just transients" or some such.  A city is growing living thing that needs sustenance.  It needs oil and government dollars and it needs control.  But not so much control as it needs structure.  And sacrifice is... ugh, I hate talking about this stuff because everytime I have an ambitious moment now, like I should be running the city, I remember that my father is dead.  It's quite the hit to lose your father let me tell you.  Especially MY father that was always sort of lacking in the "expressing" love department.

OK, so why we don't like TV Ministries is that there is a serious imbalance there.  They inspire you but what do you get out of it?  Well, you get books and pamphlets and calls but are they ever going to show up at your hospital or funeral?  No.  Are they ever going to put in a good word to the judge or to the police doing your criminal investigation?  No.  Are they going to say ONE THING to you?  No.  They receive your money and you get nothing but the music.  They are like an album.

Now I have to say he does an awesome job.  I cannot stand other TV ministries for the most part because there is something missing in most of them but my mother signed me up to Joel just like she signed me up to Trump just like she signed me up to that church I have been going to.  And I have this need to help her think she did a good job even though in the past I haven't done a very good job and she herself might not think so.

TV Ministries can't speak for you.  They don't see how you are, they don't shake your hand and look into your eyes and they can't say THIS guy has been coming here for years.  I haven't needed that in the past.  As soon as I got arrested for DUI after spending a year in the bar drinking most of the time after I was fired, I retreated to my house.  I needed for that anger to fade away.  People set me up to be arrested and not only was it because I wasn't buying whores or drugs, it's because I was in the way.

That bar was my church/community for years and despite hoping to find a girl there somehow single without kids, I was sectioned or perhaps betrayed.  Now you would think oh after a couple of months and his license back he will go back to the bar but no.  People started to follow me around and show up at gas stations expressing their hate and even online somehow people knew who I was and harassed me there.  It's like they WANTED me to blow up.  I obviously could not go back to the bar because where ELSE did this hate come from?  Right?  What planet of aliens dropped down like V and started making the world hell?

Well, little by little I realized that I had to fight back and if I went to the police they would just think I was crazy so I had to have evidence so I started amassing some and it's funny ... they could tell I was doing that and they stopped the harassement to some degree.  I would call them zombies or retards, if they weren't so smart.  Still, every so often as I got to a level where I was going to go back to the bar because I was happy or close to it, another wave of the "fun police" would show to harass me back down to impiety either online or driving around somewhere.

At some point, I am going to need PEOPLE people to speak for me, oh and I haven't told you, they are in my room.  Yep.  Just what you heard.  If I pitch a fit the phone rings, if I am pausing and playing Erin and tripping out, the cable will cut off or something.  But I also noticed that if I made threats to call the FBI, they shut down.  I honestly don't think they care if I call the FBI, I think they just want to "play" until I verbalize that I have had enough.  Now I have searched everywhere for whatever thing it is, this "eye" and I just don't have the energy and besides I remember seeing in one movie where they can simply point an infrared thingy and see your movements, while listening from some tiny speaker godknowswhere.  And this was 20 years ago, so you know that stuff is easily affordable nowadays.

I need to find a new girl though, a new placeholder, a new "Wilson".  I liked Rachel for a while, then omg SECupp, and then Alex.  I really really liked Alex because she was truly happy and I could feel her heart across the screen.  Nowadays notsomuch but it's still nice and I guess I am old.  But Erin is like "there" I guess.  I had a moment once in college.  I remember sitting against the wall in line for the admissions officer or something and I was staring at this girl Ronda.  I mean just HOW ...  HOW.

She looked back at me after a while and smiled and asked me "why ya grinnin" ... I didn't realize I was grinning... and I was totally embarassed.

What... was my point?  Oh so yeah, it's coming up soon here where I gotta find someone new because like this church and Joel and CNN and MSNBC and the bar and my parents house maybe... I use up things... then it's time for me to go.

Btw, I'm not sure what she said to "motivate" that Marine Corps General but then I thought instead of how fragile she was, I thought for a moment about HIS fragility... and then, you know, I MIGHT have thought about Paula Broadwell... lol.  You know not only would I make a not so good preacher, I would make a not so good General... I WOULD be better than most, but a girl, just a girl, would be my undoing... ... ... but not just ANY girl.