August 2018

BLM WHM SMN SCH THF RNG BRD MNK WAR DRK PLD > 99

Godless

Around this time, August 2018, I was still going to Life Group and I remember because I posted an example of my CSA which shows how much trust I had within the company when I worked there.  I posted a much lower CSA than I had at business card because there I was offered management and was trusted to run the whole center on the weekends at times and had a much larger reputation and level of trust than I was eventually left with.  

I remember one guy at life group at the time mentioning that they would help me with my "mental stability" at the time.  I mean he pitched that right out of the blue.  He didn't know me from Adam and just flipped that out there and that forced me to post my signing authority online.  

On the upside, I was upbeat about what I was doing with the church and I actually had faith AT THAT POINT that I would find a place at church and eventually get a job after I found myself some interim friends that I could see once a week.  And to that end, I trusted them.  Now, I realize that there are totally different types of people at church, some good and some terrible.  The Hal guy for example, he's kinda terrible in a very "Renfield" sort of way (I only say that because he mentioned "wormwood" once or twice) but hey that's his life and if this is "how it is" for him then I applaud that he's surviving with what he has to deal with.  He never insulted me directly in any way and from what I can tell he's very admirable.  And yet, he's in charge right?  Same goes for the pastor, right?  I mean we saw that in "Sum of All Fears" that if you can't control your generals the outside "gangs" have an easy time buying your generals off to pit the two largest forces against each other.  And in that vein I try to just suffer along knowing full well that threats need to be identified, exposed, talked to, and then affected in some way BEFORE I will see any change in behavior.  Alas, that change never happened and so I stopped going to the group.  

I have to say they asked me to come back but NO WAY.  I had my doubts that they were honest and I had already been seen getting angry at someone bothering me by multiple persons and I wasn't going to let them pile on the examples of me getting angry so, no thanks.  

It was around this time that I was gaga smitten with someone and I posted a video about "You don't know me" to let her know that I had a LOT of baggage.  I hope she got that message but boy that song brings back a TOTALLY different set of feelings.  Thankfully that was a long time ago and I remember being SO much happier back then.  The song is from Groundhog Day if you'll all remember and it kinda plays while Bill Murray tries over and over to "do what worked" the first time... and he can't.

Even though I talked about my sister in the last blog it wasn't until November 2018 until she moved in, so I will slow it down so that the list of blogs make sense somewhat.  I was online at that time with FFXI and it looks like this month is when I started up taking screenshots of FFXI again.  I was finishing the story so as to get the Adoulin Ring but since I was using summoner I chose the "quick magic" ring because I liked using Scholar as a sub-class.  At the time I didn't have 6 spots to use for my party and I had to finish the story to get 6 slots so I was focused on getting that done.  

Lastly, you know, since I just added OtherLife as one of my favorite films, I want you guys to watch the movie and FEEL what I have been going through.  Video games function as a nice drug to stabilize or distract you when life is difficult but that stability can be taken advantage of.  People can DRAIN YOUR SPIRIT and as you are dull with video games, you won't complain.  Now, NO WAY would I allow people to harass me if I had a full time job.  NO WAY would I be "soft" to harassment if I didn't live at home with my mother.  If I had plenty of energy, bills to pay, children, an important position with subjects to lead or workers to pay, it would be out of the question to let anyone get away with anything that would keep me from my duties.  Both of these things, video games and living at home, even though I saw them as a boon to my retirement, once identified by others, marks me for harassment, which makes me "an example to the others" right?  I become a BATTERY for some group that wants to show off "what happens" when you cross the wrong people.  You think I am making this up?  I have an example for that.  I once had a car repair that took months to fix and yet once the mechanic got wind that I had a second car, he put the repair of a school bus ahead of my repair.  Do you see that?  My personal life should have nothing to do with your job but apparently it's a bonus to make my life harder once people have found out I have buffers.  And yet this is unfair right?  I am SACRIFICING quite a bit by living at home and playing video games.  Does that make sense to everyone?

Well, all of that is coming to an end.  

Ann Coulter mentioned once that her book Godless came out in 2006 and since 6 is the number of the beast and since it "swirls" in when you draw it, to me it symbolizes "going into hell".  So today I pontificate that 60606, that might have been the day I went into hell and, following that logic and the logic that 9 is the number of "getting out of hell", that on 91919 I get out.  

Well, I must be out.