Where am I? OMG.

BLM:75 WHM:74 SMN:47 THF:75 WAR:61 RNG:44

I almost finished getting my WHM to 75. It's much easier to get invites as a WHM I have to say. I probably am just gonna start meriting like crazy as WHM and first things first and that is to get Protectra V and up its protect ability. I really dislike partying with NINs tho. Even though I save a lot of MP, the radicalness of having to heal for NINs is really unpleasant, nevermind the shame of having the NIN die with you as a full WHM not able to heal fast enough, bah! The other day I was counting shadows as I often do so that I can time a Flash at least once in the battle so that the NIN is able to recast his shadows without interruption and then I got lazy or started to eat something. I look away for just a second and poof the NIN is down in the red with no shadows and almost dies. Man! But with just a little practice I can even handle three mobs in emergencies. With the gear I have I can usually Divine Seal + Curaga II and get any problems back under control. I keep forgetting to buy that new Sleep spell or whatever.

Even though I like my other jobs, I reallly enjoy WHM now with his good Dynamis gear. I owe my dynamis ls so much. I answered a shout for people that had sky/sea access and at least one 75 and found myself going off to farm stuff for sky. It was neat but it felt a little weird. I totally don't trust these people and since they weren't forthcoming with knowledge about sky, I could tell something was amiss. When people aren't open with knowledge, I can tell they have misgivings about me. Usually I am the one that knows it all but sky is something I am totally new to. The leader said during the run that she was gonna lot all of the Kindred's Seals so that she could do a KSNM99 run so that the linkshell could have money. I pause as I watch her lot the KS and wonder if I plan on staying with them that long, Later on, after a lot of farming, they start talking about how they are gonna raise money for a dynamis run. I am like "WHOA! I can't be part of this ls if yall do dynamis and they are like all that's ok it will be under a different shell. They are really all so young sounding and new. I am like the only other rank10 person in the thing. I don't mind helping and maybe getting some sky gear but I am actually not very fond of the people yet. The leader seems to know a lot about sky but she is obviosuly from another server or something and it sounds like she left a successful sky ls. Still, I can't fault her for wanting to start something from scratch. But I never connect what I feel with what the facts are. We went to sky, with my TH4 in tow, and farmed and as soon as we got there, one guy had to do personal stuff but stayed in grp and earned exp for free. Another guy, probably the smart one, left altogether. And the leader, though she led us around not knowing where the monsters spawned, finally got us to where we needed to go and proceeded to write rules and regs of ls, while we farmed. This included not refreshing the PLD and letting the WHM do most of the healing. Coincidentally, she was asking advice from the other guy that was afk who after we booted him came back online minutes after we booted him.

So NO I am not suspicious of whether or not my money is going to be handled by responsible people!

It did give me the gumption to start my own linkshell however, and seeing the good people in there who were there farming with us not getting anything out of it gave me hope and made putting up with the others worth it. But I have no idea what I the function of it would be. I would so like to start one with someone from dynamis but I don't wanna trust people I barely know. Plus it would feel weird leading a grp and having smarter people follow me. Moreover, I expect I have nowhere near as much time now as I used to. But once a week I could plan something and leave it in linkshell chat. Maybe a BCNM or a KSNM linkshell would be a good way to start. I would have to have hours of operation I guess. I also would have to restrain myself from kicking people for almost no reason whatsoever. That might be hard.

It's good to see my personality getting back to normal though. I find myself much calmer and anytime I feel like leading stuff, that's a good sign. I won't be doing anything like that soon tho.

I have spent a lot of time away from my old poker friends and I guess those friendships are getting strained. I don't have a lot of spare time anymore so there's not a lot I can do there. I do try to make it to Dynamis and though I sign on late, I feel I contribute much more now cuz I am still wired from work. There is like ZERO percent chance of me falling asleep now esp since I am showing up late. And coincidentally, when a lot of people feel like leaving, I show up so it's a good balance in that sense.

I need to do some BCNMs soon but I never get any responses from people for that. It seems people don't wanna do those anymore. I do see ODS(KS30 Operation Desert Swarm) shouts though. The only other thing that I can do for money is sell my conquest points for armor and I did that and now I'm out of those points. I need to start making sushi too cuz I am down to 8 sushi after our farming session in sky. The best thing about the farming session was that they were still IT mobs which makes them primo good for meriting if I ever find my way around in that place. I need to get the map for that place one of these days.

I am on Aht Urghan Mission 34 Testing the Waters and part of what you will need for the fight is to get another Ephramadian Coin from a tomb near Nashmau. Yesterday, after a failed attempt to get a merit party together, the same guy sends a shout that he is on AM34 and I am like wow let's go do this! But sadly, we were the only ones in the pt for like an hour and got no responses. Later, after I got out of the shower, I saw that he had followed my advice and went to Nashmau and for a moment I thought of telling him exactly where to go since I had recently been there myself and had to find the tomb but then I thought I might be buggin him with stuff he already knew. A little later he gets aggro and dies. Had I talked to him at all, I would have saved him from that but I just assumed he knew what to do.

I recently finished getting the points I needed for my Pahluwan Seraweels and they look cool with my Blue Cotehardie. They are just a little bit different in color though but that's ok cuz I'm slightly colorblind. I find myself not wanting to do Assaults though cuz I don't really want to start on another 20k item. It takes too long plus I am running out of space. I need to get my WAR up in levels so that he can use the Hauberk I wanna buy him.

I also want to get my Relic GSD. I realize I am all back of the bus in the Dynamis Group but I believe that we should keep the relics coming. After all we don't see any of the money that they get from the coins that drop so why not get all those charter members their relics. I personally think Heretic is a great choice for relic and Krystm too cuz they have done a LOT for the ls. Eventually, even Xellith should get relic one day. I would like to see him start up his old ls maybe but without the mouth part. It's like I have said many times though, you can't have a lot of energy without having a lot of arsehole in you. Maybe that's part of my problem? When I calm down and not give a damn about things I become quite sociable. I get along with everybody, even monkeys gotta clap! But you gotta take the good with the bad. I have seen the Dynamis leader lose it and make me wonder what I saw in him. I have had discussions with Xellith that made me want to insult him but meh he's probably just a kid. Often, even with your wife or gf the problem you have is not so much that you don't listen, it's that there is the whole "winning the argument" issue of discussing things. You can't say "I see" if you don't feel the person heard what you said. So it is with friends or idiots or whatever when they dont listen and wanna draw you out of your hole so everyone can see. You aren't there to edify this individual about how he is " a pontificate portrait of bovine excrement", you are there to win the discussion which has ceased to be useful. So when something like this happens in the linkshell, go /mute, cuz when people get into stickfights, both parties get bruised. Stonesfights too!

I just saw Vanilla Sky for like the umpteenth time and it's amazing how much I like finding new things in that movie. Obviously the main idea is to retake your life and make choices and live free without the training wheels but some parts of it I missed. This last time I saw him leaving the room from where he killed Sophia and he saw himself and he had his old beatup face in the mirror which puzzled me cuz where was he going if not to jail where he would have his fixed up face again? Or maybe it was just his reflection? Dunno.

Reign of Fire is another movie that I watch over and over again. It's amazing how much in common the two men have, both huge and ogre-like in their methods of leadership but one is the protector and one is the killer. It's obvious that the killer has more energy and is in fact more dangerous but they say in the movie that "he doesn't feel things the way you and I do, that's the only way he can do what he does." So to be a killer makes you unable to lead children. And also, to lead children makes you unable to kill things. Well, I guess that's one opinion. Notice that woman though? She is drawn by both men. One seems unattainable and the other seems like a miracle.