True Neutral

BLM WHM SMN SCH THF RNG BRD MNK WAR DRK PLD > 99


Existentialism - A philosophical attitude that stresses the individual's unique position as a self-determining agent responsible for the authenticity of his or her choices.

"I still exist" - Robin Williams in What Dreams May Come. 

When I was growing up one of the things I wondered about when I was playing Advanced Dungeons & Dragons was what would I play as.  At first I started out as a Magic User but that was too hard to play and most of the good spells came MUCH later and as you may have learned from reading my blogs, I'm not much for waiting too long for something.  So I changed and researched the game and started playing a multi-classed Illusionist/Assassin, a gnome.  Why? Because gnomes had good constitution and got bonuses for stealing and backstabbing and Invisibility wasn't too far off on the waiting-for-spells list.  Later, I researched just being a plain old Illusionist and found them to be MORE powerful than a Magic-User.  Their Alter Reality spells was only level 7 and most of the Magic-Users mega spells were level 9.  and I mean REALLY, once you can alter reality, what else IS THERE?  

But again it proved to be too much of a wait so I played Paladin and whoosh, happiness.  I got plenty of special abilities, right away, and plenty of rules to follow and plenty of action without having to wait.  

But since that was during my formative years, like when I was 10 years old, I wonder if playing and dreaming, which the game causes you to do, aka alter reality and become something else, be a fake person, separate yourself from another personality; if THAT has happened in some small way in my mind.  

One of the first creatures that I truly found powerful and fearsome was Vecna.  Man, how many hours did I spend imagining what special abilities I could add to the Eye of Vecna and then to the Hand of Vecna.  These were artifacts, aka the most powerful accessories in the game and what fantasies I imagined of being powerful with a mighty hand the clutched itself onto mine and spat out spell after spell... with no cost.  

Soon, I was trying to imagine BEING Vecna which it says in the game that the hand turns you into a being of Neutral Evil, like ALL liches.  Vecna was a lich which is technically, a zombie with genius intelligence with many undead abilities but such power that it was THE most powerful undead monster out there.  It could only be turned by the most powerful cleric and I'm not really sure but I think Vecna was immune to turning.  What power, yeah? 

But what is Neutral Evil?  

I had already read a bunch of stuff about demon princes, which were chaotic evil, and arch-devils, which were lawful evil.  And since I spent a LOT of time going to church in those years, like every Sunday morning and night and some Wednesday nights, I struggled to understand how good and evil could be separated down into THESE specifics and how to make sense of it.  Because devils followed rules, it was easy to make out how they thought,(fact is, now I know that most drug-dealers or organized crime is a bunch of devils, meaning they act against others(aka evil) but always with some reason or structure behind it(aka lawful evil); demons were much harder.  How could there be a prince without order I thought?  But I get it now.  Demons lead through fear of themselves, like Satan but with the added reality of a person BEING Satan.  Princes are BELIEVED to deserve power so everything is based on the belief that they are right in everything they do.  It's like a benevolent dictator.  It's like Jesus.  But Jesus can change his mind at a moments whim yes?  He could suddenly get emotional and cost people their money.  But more importantly he COULD act against others.  That's Satan.  That's a perversion of a benevolent dictator.  that is a lack of order.  That is chaotic evil but with some sort of society organized around a person that they BELIEVE in.  That is what Kim Jong Un is.  He is a demon prince.  Everything he says is immediately read out to the people as law.  And if he is a benevolent dictator or is trying to be then I applaud his efforts because the fact is NOONE else believes such a system should remain in place(remember Japan's emperor Hirohito?)  Every single one of his followers is a time bomb, willing to sacrifice themselves at his whim.  The 666 layers of the Abyss are a good map for what those followers feel like because NOONE is safe.  Even his uncle wasn't safe.  There IS no safe in that realm.  You can only believe that he is divine and try to be productive knowing that if he likes you and you are productive, you have an advantage over others... but not really.  

Still, I don't approve of movies that make the CIA the world's assasination corps.  Nor do I condone spreading a message that implies the US lives to assassinate the leader of N Korea.  That's just a stupid movie, I realize, but it's also like we are Hamas. We can't fight fire with fire because then the whole world burns and we become what we sought to eradicate.  

Does torture work?  It does.  People will say it doesn't because what they want to prove is that you shouldn't "try this at home" but it does.  It's like the werewolf theory or capital punishment.  Once you are bitten, YOU become a feral creature.  You realize you won't fight off these creatures unless you become equally evasive, equally dishonest, equally viscous.  It's like that movie 30 days of night or something with Josh Hartnett.  Great movie(which means I watched it more than 10 times).  He can only save them all by becoming one of them and destroying the leader.  

Capital Punishment is like this.  You kill the person that killed someone innocent and the state believes it is a deterrent to murder.  It is.  Play a video of that guy getting sandman-blasted with electricity from Sin City and you can bet people would be afraid of the state and its officials from then on.  But then we would have a FEAR of the state yes?  There would be an "us" that doesn't work for the state, and a "them" that work for the state that makes you do or say what the state's DIVINE workers say ought to happen.  Maybe we could call them the state's DIVINE DMV.  Fire with fire, yes? (This last paragraph has nothing to do with a blue-eyed blonde DMV lady showing me an infected evil eye right before I took an oath... yeah, nothing.)

So now the state can FEEL good about getting back at the criminal that wronged it even though there are umpteen reasons they might be mistaken or proven wrong in the future.  Now the prison guards can cause fear with "how bad" someone's execution might be.  Now the system is INFECTED with emotion.  

The worse part of it is that it feels good yes?  What a satisfaction to conquer evil! What a luxury!(Dune) 

Torture does this too. 

My mother might be guilty of this.  I have seen it.  I have drawn the evil out of plenty of "them" as a man would draw poison out of a wound.  It's only because I have been damaged that I can see the emotion running rabid in "righteous" people.  Torture INFECTS the torturers.  They become "righteous".  Soon they can't wait for the next victim to "cleanse".  Soon it's a "matter of national security" to torture people but what it is is just some splatter of people drunk on power.  INFECTED people like Dick Cheney.  He is not wrong in his mind, he is infected, with illness.  Someone needs to explain it like I am explaining it.  You enjoyed that WAY too much and it wasn't right and we forgive you.  You were/are MAD to think that way.  

A part of you is wondering if I have become Vecna... hahahaha.  If I am Vecna then Dick Cheney is TRULY someone worth fearing, hahahaha, "YOU MAY GO!"  But seriously, people like Cheney can think all of these things but not see the reality of it because they aren't like me.  They don't have hours to spend in showers analyzing things like I do.  They have high stress, military level stress, full-time/24 hours jobs that they have no HOPE of knowing if what they are doing is right.  People in politics can only respond to what the people want or create their own plots knowing that it is worse to be plotted against and end up like JFK than to plot whatever thing that OF COURSE noone would approve of.  

It's all 50/50.  It's best to stay as close to middle as possible.  
Don't cause a 9/11... but don't LET a 9/11 happen.  Some plotting is necessary, do you see? 

To see clearly is all.  - Sartre (I think the movie said)

Great words, I just recently lifted from a great movie named EXAM. Worth watching several times though it's so low-budget, like so many others, I have to wonder if  that's all Netflix has become is a low-rent movie channel.  

No, I have not become Vecna. Most liches live in towers out in a wilderness surrounded by undead which mostly have no purpose at all.  That is what true neutral is.  To have no purpose but also to have no emotion.  A lich is someone addicted to hurting others, to TORTURING others.  People in the CIA should understand this and move to surround these people like white cells so that they are diffused of their madness.  People can be cured.  ALL PEOPLE can be cured in my opinion but it takes time.  Hatred is an infectious thing that must be drawn out, made public, and then allowed to dissipate into history.  

I am not a lich.  I would like to think that I am a Paladin.  Someone that could take his shield and put it in front of groups of people and say NOT on my watch, because I KNOW that I understand evil more than others, I KNOW I have enemies that hate me not because I wronged them, but because they are infected.  I KNOW prison is not supposed to be an exercise in torture, but a time of arrest.  A time where evil is ALLOWED and ENCOURAGED... to dissipate.  But if it's too much to ask that we trust criminals while at the same time we trust illegal aliens, maybe we should just go back to having laws that make some of us better.  Maybe we put women back in the kitchens and black people back out on the fields picking corn, and maybe Mexico and its nasty native unreasoned people needs to fall into the sea.  Sounds righteous yeah?  We win!  

Yeah, I would not make a good paladin either.  Paladins are too righteous.  I hope the state of the world we are in has made that obvious to you.  The Police are Paladins yeah?  And sometimes they "finger of death" people yeah?  Hmmf.  

No if there is one thing I have learned most especially about being me is that I am MOSTLY like Jesus.  I was watching on Netflix this one program with video playing while the entire book of John was being read and I cried.  I am infinitely critical of anything I find wrong with people soliliquizing in front of me but in that entire movie, ALL of his words rang true.  It seemed to me that I had better not read more of the bible because I might use it to my advantage.  That REALLY would be unholy.  

So what is Jesus then.  First guess is that he is lawful and good.  that crusades could be started in his name and he would approve.  We could all go "Do the lord's work" and "bring education to the natives" so to speak.  Yeah.  That is what I am doing but in another way now.  You remember me speaking about Loki and Thor and Odin yeah?  

Lightning is a fluid thing.  It builds up charge and builds up charge and soon all of that evil must be unleashed.  But it's not evil is it?  It's a charge.  Loki builds schemes and mischief and corruption in society so much so like a stormcloud that grows and grows.  In time, after it gets too much charge while Odin does nothing, THOR has to intervene.  Thunder.  A VOICE that says THAT'S far enough.  

That's what Odin does though, that's what our system is is a buffer.  Systems without buffers break.  If not for Odin, Thor and Loki would be constantly cancelling each other out and there would be absolute peace in the world.  Odin has deemed that this NOT happen.  You see?  This is what Jesus/Satan is is civility.  It cannot be controlled.  It must be allowed to charge and then like lightning it must be allowed to escape creating new fields of growth that make life interesting again.  

Except in this world order, you might think that Jesus is the righteous one that serves to placate Satan's whims but no Jesus and Satan are both Loki; God is Thor; and Odin is the Holy Spirit.  Always a trinity because that is all there can be is choice, a choice that acts against it, or abstention.  

Think of an atom.  Protons are Loki, Neutrons are Odin and way out there is Thor that as soon as Loki gets too ornery, ZAP hooks up another electron to compensate.  Or it's like the Police and Drug Dealers.  The Police being Neutrons, Drug-dealers being the LOKI or LOCO or protons causing trouble and when that trouble gets to be too much... the public revolt against both drug-dealers and police and POOF, a new molecule!

See, SarahK was right...  We are all just molecules, cutie!

Some people would claim that I am evil for dealing with drug-dealers and whores.  People, including my mother, used to say show me your friends and I will show you who YOU are.  If I have friends that are betrayers well then I must be a betrayer.  This was made apparent in the movie 3:10 to Yuma.  Russell Crowe is SO charismatic as this feel-good leader of a band that makes its own rules but in the end he betrays them all because just ONE of them betrayed him and thought he could get away with it, but that is the reality of being a leader of a band of thugs.  Betrayal is coming, wait for it or don't wait for it because that's all that can happen is charge builds up and then .. KRACKOW... lightning.  But it doesn't mean drug-dealers and whores are evil.  Everything done in secret is not evil.  That's why they call it the veil.  You might want to stick that finger where it don't go, but if it's illegal you'd better not do it but we are both just a little bit MAD in the throes of sex aren't we?  Yeah, surely you wouldn't betray me since we both are lost in the throes of pleasure.  As it turns out, some people would.  But the theory is sound.  Sex is a very public way to tell everyone that you trust that person and as such it is through such public displays that civility becomes NOT so civil yes?  A little mischief perhaps, like LOKI perhaps?  Still all of life is like that, a field of interesting things to explore and to cultivate and to burn.  That's why lightning is so important, if there were no lightning, we'd all be in chains, we'd all be robots, we'd all be princes of peace... aka. losing our minds.  

I know that I am civil and I also know that civility is madness waiting to happen.  That's why the old saying goes that "rules are meant to be broken" because like accounting principles, it's only a matter of time before some loophole begins to unbalance our reality.  Before people are legally... torturing others... acting AGAINST others.  

This means the law, as it reads, with people using its loophole to act against others, is evil.  (Like perhaps a drunk driving law in Florida that reads driving with any impairment is illegal?)

So what am I?  I am not a lich, I am not a paladin, I'm not an illusionist/assassin(look behind you! haha) what am I?  Well if I am to tell you what to do to stop this madness I would tell you to SLOW things down to a crawl, to look for others that enjoy things... and STOP them, to disregard charity that is advertised but to organize systems that help the weak so that ALL people can be functional enough to vote and vote for the betterment of society.  I would tell you NOT to be perverse in your civility yet to try to understand civility/Jesus and what the goal is.  I would tell you to be true to Odin, to be true to the Holy Spirit.  To believe in nothing if you have no faith but to regard YOURSELF as holy... to have faith in yourself... as someone that deserves to live and deserves NOT JOY but freedom.  Someone that if they die they die knowing they are at peace, that they were doing a good job, and that like they say in Cloud Atlas, believe "everything is so damnably well" because the only hell is having guilt about something when you die or when you sleep. If you are free or at peace in your heart then when you die you go to heaven, better said you were in heaven, because when you slept you were at peace.  Hmmf, that needs better explanation but I'm getting off track.  So should you be like Jesus?  Yes, after you are married but if you are single like me you should be absent of madness.  Jesus is Chaotic and Good you see?  He's a prince of peace, you see? It's only when he gets emotional that his actions can be evil, influence others hence Satan and the 7 Deadly Sins.  You should be TRUE NEUTRAL.  You should be like Odin or believe in the Holy Spirit which means that you believe your life has a purpose and that it's coming.  And remember any pleasant face that you get married to, even a pock-marked one like the girl's face in "the good earth" is one that you will grow to love and all problems that you have with your wife, are problems you must relive if you choose a second wife, so stay fresh, stay hopeful, and I guess be willing to settle and have faith that even that person will somehow make you happy or at least bring you to a state of madness... that you can live with... that is better than living alone like a GOD in darkness.  

It's better than dying alone... SarahK(poke). 

Oh right I STILL haven't told you what I am, have I? A Druid then.  I am a Druid.  A steward of nature.  All Druids are true neutral... 50/50.  I guess that means I believe in Karma, who taught me that I wonder? 

PS. I just got finished watching a video with a nice muff from a girl comic who's funny even when not naked.  SarahK was in it and it riles me up to think people can't think of girls who are funny.  For me, I am LOUSY at thinking things are funny, especially men but it's my theory that women on dates get intimidated by the butchy women that have the temerity to be in front of an audience.  So overall, guys have to say ok she wasn't funny because they can't say yes in front of their gf that ws their date getting upsized by rock star girl up on stage.  Also, comics are licentiously evil to each other like Seinfeld was to Bill Maher when he made fun of his dead mother(nice one, you ASS).  And they think that's normal as foo or poo or one's duty or ... oh you get it.  But moreover its BS.  Culture can be changed most especially when people like me say a bunch of fools are in charge or maybe when Bill Maher says it.  Let's see... trying to think of funny women... Rachel Maddow.  Is she funny like on EVERY SINGLE episode of her show?  Alex Wagner... is SHE entertaining me more than say anyone else on television with her funny?  Sarah Silverman... is there like another level of funny when it comes to her compared to other comics whose shows I have to watch at least 10 minutes before I force myself to turn it off and swear off stand up forever until I watch some more Sarah?  There's not many funny people I grant you but I'd rather say that quality is rare than say quality is only found on such and such planet or such and such gender with such and such color that by the way... the Jews control.  

EDIT: Wow I have a lot to say today.  On the matter of Jews controlling everything, i am of the opinion that the Jews control a lot of things because their religion allows them to dominate other people.  That's a very HONEST view to hold despite how uncivil it is but remember that it's what Hitler was able to use to start up against the Jews.  that's why righteousness is a such a BANE to society.  Rich people cannot all be evil because they must keep society together in the form of goodwill.  They must inspire goodwill or lose what they own in the form of a revolution.  When the preacher passes that offering plate around and there was a guest speaker, that's your chance to reward good or bad behavior or to manage your applause.  Remember my blog about the scoops?  People are rich because MANY MANY people gave their applause in the form of money.  Rich people aren't evil because they act against others, they use and then abuse existing laws while ENCHANTING people with reality... which can change.  So don't start up against the Jews yeah?  Don't start siphoning against the goodwill of the rich.  It's better to compliment the rich and laude at how much trust they have earned than to attack a group of rich people without evidence, without a judgement, or without a sword.  Remember that respect is not earned, imo... everyone deserves respect... but TRUST is earned.