Excommunication

BLM WHM SMN SCH THF RNG BRD MNK WAR DRK PLD > 99

So long ago there was an old lady that lived in a shoe she had so many kids she didn't know what to do. 

You know, when you go to a Baptist High School and then to a Baptist College, you'd think people would be like THIS guy will never buy drugs.  They should say that to themselves.  It should be like WHY IN THE HELL would I try to sell this guy drugs.  

Ok, so long story short we are going to talk about the machine today.  You see long ago I knew there would not be a retirement for me.  I don't know why but I knew.  I even told my sister one day out in front of a bunch of twenty-somethings that ALREADY hated my guts that they would try to capture me one day because I was smart and that they would trap me somehow, because I couldn't understand why they disliked me so much even though they didn't know me.  

Well, that's really the point isn't it?  If they KNOW you they own you, and if they DON'T know you, they NEED to own you.  It's all a matter of scaring you enough that they feel safe around you and if they don't feel safe they continue to scare you until you are "broken".  

Now, long story short I am never broken because in my head I know that all things heal like the spirit and the hands and even the tooth, but my broken tooth is taking quite a while to heal and ... has actually broken several times more and I'm pretty sure it's never going to be a full tooth again.  

But about other things I feel pretty good.  Now, keep in mind that even after she made friends with people and we all got along ok, NO ONE was trying to sell me drugs.  I even let them know that I was kicked out of the Marine Corps at some point so you'd have to be a FOOL to try to sell a SOLDIER some drugs, even if I wasn't a soldier at that point.  

But years went by.

At some point, I figured my greatest disgrace was that whole Marine Corps thing so I kept a humble soul towards people hoping they'd never find out the story and really just trying to prove that I was brave somehow.  

I remember trying to re-enlist and they took a day to look at it and then gave me this SOULFULL look like "this guy?" and told me no.  

At the time, I remember sitting with this girl that looked like Cheryl Tiegs.  A REALLY pretty girl that I was surprised I had the courage to sit next to at lunch and we talked for several days and maybe weeks at certain times but since she told me she had a boyfriend I never pushed it further and one day she got sick of it and stopped seeing me and I honestly NEVER saw her again.  It was very strange because I think she must have quit college or something but I didn't know her classes so it's not like I could figure out where she was if she wanted to hide.  Well, it was around that time that I thought to re-enlist and thinking back about some things now, I wonder if that's what happened, someone told her my story.  

Well, I will talk about that some other day since I have many stories but today I want to talk about the Presidents.  I think people don't understand things until they have it all put in front of them and even though it seems like THERE'S the water and HERE'S the land, they don't think it's possible for a crocodile to be there so close to land right?  

Ok, so when you are at the bar you have to keep in mind not to make deals with people and why would I? I have a job and a place to live and parents that looked up to me and a whole lot of things and stability that if I was in trouble I would find ways to support myself BOY I am getting off track...

Trump said he would build a wall and people thought that was stupid.  It was like OMG he is wasting money to build the wall and after he got money from the military and moved the military out there I was like THAT'S what I want, WHAT is so hard about moving the military to the wall?  Why don't people get that?  But it's apparent to me now that he is just a puppet and that all those people were just puppets.  They don't have real power.  One time there was this guy standing behind President Reagan and he was telling him what to do and people are like what was THAT?  Well, that was the guy responsible for lowering TAXES on the rich from 80% to 30% or so.  It was a move so awful that if you showed it to people in college today they'd stop going to college.  Well, that's what the tax cut Trump did was like.  A really ridiculous move made worse by a second person that "puppets" like he doesn't get it.  

Now it seems to me all the more obvious that Biden is another cut off the cuff with that grain.  He is just going to "puppet"what the corporations and the machine wants and do as much as people will push for to keep social security and medicare.  But we can all see that those are very different pushers.  The corporate pushers always show up.  It's their job 24/7 to call Congress and send them protection money and keep them happy and figure out what to do with all that extra while regular people pushers have faith that the system and the people elected to it are working in their interests... and don't show up.   

And what's worse is that he is a Democrat.  Those guys speak a good game and then deliver another.  But it all really depends on the person.  I for one believe that if the person says something often enough to themselves they will believe it and THAT'S what we need.  Even if it's stupid I NEED YOU TO SAY THE WORDS.   I know it's all a machine that swallows what's tasty and spits out what's used up but I need you to say you don't know that and that you are going to walk across the coals and bring back help from across the lava... JUST SAY IT.  

As you can guess my spirit is just about spent.  I took several months off from writing the blog while my sister moved in and her harassment in tandem with my already worked up mood from church and the neighbors really pushed me over.  She would cough at me so much even after I got angry that it takes everything I have to recover myself from not doing something physical.  And what's even more sad is to have to think back about ALL THOSE PEOPLE that coughed at me over the years... THIS is what they wanted all along.  Such terrible people, to just despirit me, to break me down, that was their goal.  They wanted to see a day where I would be afraid... of their coughing.   

Long pause.  You know sometimes when I'm down, I think about someone beautiful and wonder if I just didn't have courage, which I know can't be true because NO ONE beautiful has ever been single or not married or even available.  I was SUPREMELY popular in high school and college, though still weird but never unattractive and all of that went away here in Jacksonville... and now in these days of melancholy I think back about HOW LONG has my sister been working with terrible people.  Has she known or not known about all of this STUFF happening to me, because I personally thought I caused it all myself and was protecting them, my sister and brother, from my "tactiful" people but it doesn't seem that way anymore and I am forced to wonder how long ago, did they start their war against me... without telling me.  

Did they actually let their OWN father die? What are you convincing me of exactly?

I remember taking one of her "friends" to a corporate party and he drove a Jaguar and I thought I brought some CLASSY people with me, don't I look good with all these good-looking friends on the cuff.  Later she and my brother were hired there as they asked people to sign up relatives if they knew them, as long as they could pass the drug test and mental tests.  I remember later how they lost their jobs, my brother over some stupid lie his wife told him to use and my sister because she got sick from a roach infestation at her trailer.  What a stupid way to lose your job by the way but if she's like me, and she is, she probably stubbornly thinks that was natural and that NO WAY did someone do that purposefully.  And now thinking back about it, I am almost sure they did.  They cost her her job and then she got her job at Liberty something something Medical Supplies... and met her "friend" that is now her ex-husband's wife and met her other friends.  

People are like NO WAY did they have our names on playing cards 20 years ago, but I am almost sure that they did.  Just like in Training Day where the guy says "I know all the players".  Nobody good cares who gets elected but those "corporate" people, they care and they show up EVERY TIME to push Congress in their direction.  It's their everyday job to do that if they can.  Well, I can't even make sense of what I was writing about today, I just know I have to catch up somehow or I will fall into confusion. Not the good confusion where you don't pick sides but you are at the center of it all.. but the other confusion where you don't pick sides... but no one cares... because you are out.