Let's have a merit party!

BLM:75 WHM:66 SMN:43 THF:75 WAR:61 RNG:43
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Well I have 2 more merits earned for playing my THF in a merit party. I have to say that I love playing in merit parties. Everyone knows what they are doin and are experienced as hell doin it. I actually dumped all of my ACC and DEX gear and tried using the AF2 Armets and Thief's Knife to help the seals roll in better and I didn't do bad damage. I used the Panther Mask to up my Haste % and to complement the CHR bonus of the Armets so I had +10 CHR total. I was still hitting for 1k from Dancing Edge to Flies in Caederva Mire. The group was mostly JP but I could feel some of their resistance to being in a group with me as leader. I just kept quiet and sure enough the exp started to roll in. We had a NIN BLU BRD SMN MNK and me as THF. It was a riot. We got up to chain 14 once and this was with like 3 or more other parties in the area. It was tough tho and we stole their mobs many times esp with me backing up the BRD as puller. All tolled I got 2 merits out of that party in about 2 or 3 hours so it was plenty. I probably should have saved them for my BLM but nah, I upped my Dagger skill and can't wait to see how much more damage my Dancing Edge does now. We rolled out of there with 3 stacks of Wind and Dark Crystals and 3 Beastman's Seals and 3 Kindred Seals which wasn't bad I thot for 2 hours work. I wonder if they still thot I was gimping the party despite having TH2+2 for their drops?
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Tonight is Karaoke and even though I had a nice time last night playing darts with my sister and her friends, I have come to believe that I may actually have a drinking problem. I talked to one girl last night that looked like she was interested and realized that I should not have talked to her in the state I was in. I was seriously "dulled" at that point, but I was still shooting good darts. Still halfway through the conversation she gleans that I am not sober and asks me if my friend over there knew me. Hah! He must have "prepped" her. Listen guys, in all honesty, even though I am lonely and perhaps desperate for a woman, even though I miss my ex and think about calling her, even though I have little reason to exist without a significant other, the LAST think I am going to accept is someone else's help in finding a woman. As soon as I find out that your booty is charity booty, you are OUT of there. Call it pride. My interest seriously starts to go south when I can tell you are being condescendingly-interested, if ya catch my drift. Noone is all that in my book.
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Tomorrow at work I have to sit in a new desk because they moved our entire team to a new area. I don't mind the move really but the desk is next to the hallway which is nice in a way but also places me next to many possible distractions. Oh well. Hope it works out and if push comes to shove I can always move to a different area and do the only thing a man of my caliber is used to doing... run from the fight.
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Last night I also started talking to my sister and really mouthed off about how they bring me down when I could be more successful. It's my own fault I am in the spot I am in and I wonder wth is wrong with me when I talk like that. I need to call her and tell her to tell me to shut up when I start talking like a has-been.
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I was all set to go for Dynamis on Tuesday. I spent some time playing pool that afternoon and made sure I made it back in time to go but as fate would have it I fell asleep. I was just gonna get under the covers and catch a short rest until I saw them get ready to go. It was very embarassing to wake up and see the chat lines running across with Dynamis pull messages that 60+ people were reading and me alone in Xarcabard and under the covers all cozy.
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Very embarassing.

Audi is ferdacolibri, unless...

BLM:75 WHM:66 SMN:43 THF:75 WAR:61 RNG:43

An old photo of Inverno when we first got to the new areas. It seems so long ago now to have been out with that group of old people but in the back of my mind I believe that had we all broken apart sooner that Inverno and Fernanda and Emagyen and Mithrandel would all still be playing but happy separately. Who knows?

I saw Uchipu doing one of her Japanese shouts the other day and felt tempted to say "Hey" but I don't want possible bad feelings to come to the fore so I will just leave the past where it is. I still miss the time before the linkshell fell apart. Somehow I feel maybe I was at fault also. I remember that people used to call me some name and that immediately brings up my dilemnas at work. Do I just bring out the worst in people unintentionally?

Today, I took my car to be fixed and they found an oil leak to the tune of $800 to fix. what a racket! I hardly even use the car and the car is having problems, that's just a bunch of BS. I wish I knew if there was some legal way of challenging this but there probably isn't. How do you prove a mechanic is lying?

I have had to take a sick day at work because of the problems there and have now used up too much time off. I feel like somehow I could have handled this better but I honestly don't know who to talk to now that can help me out. The HR person recommends I seek mental help because I guess the whole group couldn't be wrong, the supervisor is trying to cheer me on despite everyone's reticence to treat me as part of the group, my own sister admits that I may be a different person from the person that I used to be and I just keep fighting them off knowing that I am the same that always have been. I'm fine! Maybe a little sensitive, maybe a little angry, maybe a little irresponsible, but that doesn't make me a bad person! Just cuz I have a bad personality doesn't give people the right to throw stones. My personality is a result of my upbringing and I wasn't raised to hurt people or to break the law or to do evil shyt. I feel I am normal and that's that. Isn't that the fundamental principle behind genius to question everything?

Well, let's see, now I got that off my chest I guess I better cough up my $800 hate fee and just get past this month's bill somehow. I betcha if I had a better personallity though that right now I would have paid $60 for a headlight and serviced my car for $150 making the total $210, instead of the $1300 total that I am facing for one bad exposure to a bunch of hounds.

I need to figure out a way to get myself in a good mood but I can't do it just now. I am washing clothes and even though my car is fixed and running better, I feel it was a mistake to buy it and that is bringing me down.

My beautiful car.

Alone again

BLM:75 WHM:66 SMN:43 THF:75 WAR:61 RNG:43
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I have to find new people to hang out with. A lot of the times I find myself wishing I had closer friends. Last night I tried explaining things to my sister and she is like " you've changed ". She used to be my closest friend and now she is like all on THEIR side.

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Sometimes I wonder who I can even trust to speak to cuz I'm sure I know what I am doing and that every negative thing I am thinking is not without basis. Still, I guess many people would just rather I didn't mention stuff like tht to them cuz if it's baggage to me, how much more baggage is that to some third party. Heh, probably a lot. It probably comes across as weak anyways so no wonder it sucks to hear about it.

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I haven't played the game in a while and even though I like to play it, I find myself getting treated with disdain even online at times. I am sure it's nothing I have said cuz I don't insult people but I do tend to base my opinions on my own experience which tends to give people the idea that I think I know more than them.

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Trust me when I tell you that I believe everyone's opinion is at least as valuable as my own.

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Well that's all I guess, I would like to tell you who I miss but honestly my love wheels I think are grinding down to a slow jam halt. Oh that reminds me, a friend of mine's old girlfriend showed up last night and I was honestly tempted by her eyes. Someone sat next to her and jammed her on the shoulder and then she met some of the people at the table and then she played for a little while and then she quickly left midgame. I am SO out of her league I guess. I sure wish I knew what it was that made her leave but that will have to wait for another day.

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I got really angry at the guy that bumped her though and now I feel ashamed for having let him see that since perhaps it was completely misplaced.

I am so confused. I just wanna sleep until it all gets better but I know I can't.

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My internet connection was down all day Friday. If you ever think about what a deal Voice over the Internet is and start humming that song from Vonage, fight the temptation. Every little blip in the power connection sends the phone filter out of whack and when that happens both my phone and my internet go to limbo until the filter cools down or something. It's very frustrating. Sometimes I think about buying another filter just in case but I am not even sure that is the problem.

There is crazy or was

BLM:75 WHM:66 SMN:43 THF:75 WAR:61 RNG:43

So as it happens I am able to solo these Ocho at level 43 without too much trouble and as it turns out it is better to practice with SMN every so often just to wing out the details of just how great the job can be. The part I don't like is the hike all the way back to Jeuno cuz unlike BLM and WHM when I did those, I actually gotta haul butt all the way back on foot avoiding aggro the whole way.

It's neat though cuz using SMN is far more metally-intensive than say WAR cuz you gotta plan your moves more: it matters what tank you have, it matters what day it is, it matters what the mob is weak to and what it's special moves are. As other jobs you just focus on your job and that's all, but as SMN you can and should organize the party to doin things your way for the good of the group. Most of what you do as SMN/WHM is pull out buffs anyways and heal so it's not like you gotta MB or anything.

I actually have to decide if I am gonna break down and buy all the elemental staves for SMN. I realize that they are important for the job and it wouldn't hurt to hit with something more than Ice spells every once in a while as BLM. But I am still trying to get WHM to 75 and working on upping my Elemental skill merits for my BLM so that will have to wait perhaps a very long time before I decide on that.

We had a good time last night doing Dynamis-Xarcabard but this was by far the worst session ever drops-wise. We got 2 Armlets to drop and I think that ws all we got for the entire run. We also wiped once due to some messup with like 6 eyes that didn't go down after a timed BLM volley that was just short of wiping out the group. The one or two eyes that were left made short work of us and proceeded to demolish a lot of the melees. I'm not sure what went wrong there but I saw in the log that one of the eyes hit me for damage and hit another person for damage early before the spells went off. But I didn't move from my spot I had all along so I dunno, maybe I did.

Tonight is another chance to play darts with the guys. I wonder if we are all gonna play nice this time. I hope so.

I need to go hang out with my Pool playing buddies though. It's been a long while since I have been out there and I have to say that my abilities in pool are probablly like at a B+ skill level now. It's hard to keep such a thing sharp when what you do skill-wise on the computer is make food. I really feel guilty sometimes playing FFXI. It's so mind-numbing. Playing Virtual Pool IS actually good for your real life game; playing Halo DOES actually begin to give you eyes in the back of your head; playing car racing games WILL make you drive better at higher speeds; but playing FFXI is likely to teach you how sucky your graphics card is and maybe help you understand that ICE > Aero > Paralyze > Stun > Viper Bite > Fire Elementals. What does that mean, and more importantly will this conversation impress girls at the bar? um, no.

Mark my words if you even say the word internet in the same sentence with monsters, 3 people are gonna look at you like you are still in high school or on drugs or something. Of course they will do that if you mention Hausenphepha so SO much for other people and what they know.

Don't let them tell you you''re crazy.

It's getting dark out there

BLM:75 WHM:66 SMN:43 THF:75 WAR:61 RNG:43

This is me with Ema and Uchipu doing some BLMing in Mount Zhayolm. They are pretty useful and good at BLMing even though Ema doesn't know a lot about BLM and Uchi doesn't even like BLMing as much as she likes WHM.

She was WHM first though so I can't blame her. I find using my BLM is what I love doing the most even though I find THF fun to do. It's funny tho cuz she was always able to throw out more damage than me. Even Ema could do that. But I doubt that they love the job like I do. Ema's first job was as a Bard and then she movd to Ranger and got that to 75. It's funny but I wonder if she misses that job. I know she probably does.

Now that I have started crafting however, I find that my willingness to spend on bolts and arrows and stuff has gone down greatly. I don't enjoy spending 10k for those nice Demon Arrows cuz frankly that's just TOO much gil to spend for just arrows. Plus, my party doesn't deserve me spending gil to get THEM exp. Meh, I guess that's how the cookie crumbles. I used to love to shop for ranged attack gear and now I loath to spend on it.

Well, in all fairness I have to take back my comments on the person that left Dynamis cuz that person is back just in time to get her belt from Qufim and apparently has fixed the computer problem she had. Yay. The other person that I mentioned that got the Trotter's Boots has also been given a sack and is apparently going to help other people with their stuff in ls actively so I guess I was wrong about that person too.

Hmmf. I'm starting to think that my main problem is me.

But I don't make conclusions through paranoia. I don't imagine people doing bad things. I expect the worst cuz most of the time that is what sticks in your mind is when you get shafted. Yesterday for example, I go to the Audi Dealer and fix the headlight and they tell me that someone has broken off the clips that hold the light up and that I will need a whole new assembly. So instead of having to pay $60 for a light I had to pay $360. So someone either vandalized those clips or the dealer did it themselves while working on my car.

Or maybe it was just an accident.

Later, I go get my passport pictures made and the lady tells me to wait 20 minutes cuz she is busy. So I wait. Then she takes my picture and tells me to wait 10 minutes for them to be done. So I wait. Then the pictures come out and there is a visible ghost-faced line to the left of the image. I tell her about it but she says that's just how the machine does it. More than that she tells me that her cutter is broken so I will have to cut the picture myself.

I tell ya. I must have a sign on my forehead that reads "Slap me, will turn the other cheek".

Thankfully though, I finally did get my Anrin Obi. With the diligent help of the linkshell leader and 2 hours of hard work with TH4 in tow, I got my one lousy tissue. That was a ridiculous amount of time to have to spend for that one drops imo, esp with TH4. Honestly, sometimes I wonder if TH4 is AT ALL better than TH2. I mean if there is a difference, it's barely there. On the subject of whether a four-leaf Mandragora bud or a Lucky Egg or a Rabbit's Charm have any real effect on luck, I have to say that if the effect is less than the regular Armlets' TH, then it will BARELY make a difference. But that's my opinion. Normally this would sound preposterous but it could have had something to do with the Moon so Meh!

The neat thing about Anrin Obi also is that with my Diabolos Earring on the Magic Accuracy +2 can always be in effect now and that makes my sleeps all the more certain. Plus I have started to use Weskit gear for sleeping since the head gear adds +10 to my Enfeebling skill. I tested the potency of Drain and Aspir however and the effect is MUCH more powerful with Errant Gear than with Weskit. This means that INT adds to the potency. That makes sense but what about MAB+6? Shouldn't that have made Drain more potent. Well it doesn''t. Don't ask me why. Drain with Errant Gear and Anrin Obi maxes out about 300 hp now while with Weskit and Anrin it maxes at around 120 or so. It's really weird.

I was able to go to Limbus this Sunday since I didn't go out to poker but they didn't want me along. I guess since I usually can't make it, they don't want my EXCELLENCE to mess up their expectations. Lol.

That reminds me that I helped this one guy get his Flame Gorget and he got me thinking I want to get the Ice Obi next. I have 4 merits spent on Ice potency, 3 merits on Elem skill and 2 merits on Freeze II. The Ice Obi IS the next logical step to improving that and I also want to get the relic BLM hands and pants to improve the damage in that area. ^^ I get happy just thinking about how great it's gonna be. Honestly, the Hat is already reserved and coupled with the body will mean the end of my Black Cloak for most purposes.

Still, I really should finish out the equipment for my THF first though. I hate it when I go to a Dynamis full of points and already have the items that drop there.

Well last night I went to one bar and checked out some girls that play darts on Monday nights and that was a pretty good time. Then I went back to the other bar where I almost was made to carry this guy out by his feet(where I play darts) and it seemed ok. A lot of girls were there and I got mushy faced like I usually do and I tried not to take anybody's fun away from them. It was a good night overall I think. I hung out with this guy that's a military guy and his friends and it was a pretty good time. It was nice to hang out with different people for a change.

It's funny how people just keep popping up that I know over and over again. It's kinda nice. I saw this COwgirl-with-the-cowgirl-hat at the bar last night and she used to be friends with me but sed she forgot my name. Her smile didn't forget my name though, heh. :D It was nice to see her too.

I gotta get her number next time though, dang it.

It's a blue day

BLM:75 WHM:66 SMN:43 THF:75 WAR:61 RNG:43

Not even gonna mention about girls cuz what usually happens has happened again. The more I go back to some girl that I knew the more I realize that they are kinda pissed off that I didn't put forth the energy to pick them up... as if {( I )} didn't want that!

Here's to sleigh beds and everything that means when a girl tells you she recently got one and then walks off with shots for her and her new guy friend. /cheers

In Vana'diel, no love from the new linkshell. I asked them several times to help me with one little luminian tissue and no luck. For the Anrin Obi, I need 7 Aern Organs, 3 Xomit Organs, and 3 Luminian Tissues, and I just need the one more tissue! Meh, I suppose I should be happy I got all of the other stuff with their help tho so I'm not complaining too much. I just have to walk away from the game for a while is all.

We helped get someone their Trotter's Boots and I found myself drooling all over the floor when they dropped. Those boots are the perfect feet gear for THF or RNG and they would work for both my THF and RNG since they are at level 20. Still, I think we should have free-lotted. The ls leader felt it was in their power to grant those to the person that mapped the TOD and such for days but I warrant we won't see much of that person soon. People tend to lose their friends quickly in this game once they get what they want out of a group. I have noticed one such person in dynamis who "co-incidentally" can't log in and get on Dynamis anymore now that her full BLM set is complete and she used the people from ls to get her Merciful Cape.

It's too bad more people don't realize this as a commonality. Even really smart people tend to believe in the goodness of people but that's just crap. Charity is for the weak. It makes you feel good if you're soft but if you are experienced you know that it just makes the sharks rich for free.

People used to could donate blood for money and now all you get is a T-Shirt; who won out of that deal, the poor people? When people ask me if I have given to charity I usually tell them yes, I paid taxes. Taxes are how we give to the poor. Welfare is supposed to BE charity, not a shameful mark on people who just don't wanna work! Anyways, feeling pretty poor right about now. Got everything but the girl. Midas.

For now, I have been playing Phantasy Star Universe and I found myself crafting up weapons and going on the endless missions over and over and it really does eat up the time. It really is a lot of fun too. But I skipped darts last night and today I am tired of doing stuff by myself and am not enjoying the game so much. I have karaoke tonight but I think I probably won't have a good time there. Someone at the bar has picked up on my "weakness" and I just fear for my life if someone starts on it cuz they are gonna be eatin beer bottle, I SWEAR IT!

That's depressing. I know I can't get them all and since I am famous, I know it's just a matter of time before everyone with half a gameplan starts annoying me to "watch the monkey dance".

I know in time I will just get over the weakness or become used to it though, so here's to tomorrow. /cheers