Stand under

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I still exist.  

I was thinking back to that movie What Dreams May Come again and I was also thinking about Alex.  I wonder if it's time to stop watching her show.  I feel like I am "haunting" her and Rachel sometimes, and as such it's like Mork hugging the girl at the grave... then listening to her scream.  

It's sad, it's frightening, and it's creepy.  

I can't tell you how many times I watched the movie.  In some long forgotten dream, like in this movie, I was determined enough to stay the course I started to medical school but in reality I failed out.  I even got a glimpse of my daughter in that movie who looked very much like a certain girl that I was quite fond of at the time.  She was my best friend's sister.  Like my sister, she did quite well for herself and left us two older brothers kind of second rate but still proud of our sisters.  

So I guess I have to do what they say to do in the movie and that is to stop hurting her I have to stop communicating.  The harder I try to be likable and witty the more I bomb them with emotion.  Like so many other times in my life I guess I have used up my friends.  It's quite a paralyzing thing to realize that you might be a wraith.  A parasite.  Maybe I get attracted to really happy people and then wait for them to work for me or something.  I hope not.  I am not doing it consciously if I am.  

So no more 4pm dinners for me.  I've sort of stopped watching Rachel too though maybe it's wearing off because of my inability to watch Bill Maher.  I had a nice buzz going for a while there but now it seems I just... I'm not funny anymore yeah?  

I just got finished watching Cake again.  That's probably not the least bit of reason for my "self-loathing" mood but you know what?  I don't loath myself.  I have taken the hit for a great many people by just keeping still and waiting for all the hatred poured on me to end and then wear off.  The hatred has ended.  And if it doesn't wear off well then... I am just going to have to start REPORTING it.  

I was watching CNN today and it's funny that I heard this fat lady claim that word on the "street" was that LA was looking to host the Olympics.  You know I am not too sharp sometimes.  Some of my friends might dislike me to my face or thumb carotid artery slightly too hard or "shoulder" my adam's apple when we hug, (yeah that happened) and I might be too stupid to get that that was hatred and I was treating it as a joke when it was real but I am not too dumb to realize I am watching a FAT person on TV or when I watch JOURNALISTS embrace gossip and then report it.  When I watch TV, I expect to see someone I want my children to aspire to be.  Someone honest, good-looking, and well kept.  If they work in their jeans like RACHEL... well, I guess getting your Ph'D allows you some faults but for the most part I want role models there and I want to be able to say this and this and such and such went here and blah blah blah ... oh great now it's MY turn to gossip.  

Now's not a good time to tell you a story about our local newscaster Donna Hicken is it? Me and my siblings and wife were talking about cheating on wives and it was another round of talk about Angelina and Brad and Jen.  I guess you all know Brad and Jen were married and then Angelina slept with him.  But they told me that she did that to Billy Bob Thornton and that Laura(?) Dern girl. It's not even funny because that's what I did to my first girlfriend is sleep with her while she was married.  So I defended Angelina for a moment saying that it's not selfish and slutty if you marry the guy which is sort of what I did with my girl except that it lasted 3 years and then it was over.  And just now I am remembering that it happened to my sister but that the "friend" that she despised actually married my sister's ex, so I guess it's not like he was a complete liar or scumbag.  Marriages should be short anyways, especially for young couples but that's my perspective.  After my first girlfriend which I gave up to FIND that someone special that has NEVER shown up, I thought I should just wait until the girl I wanted was single.  I had faith in breakups.  In my eyes, I was rooting for failure which in hindsight now seems just a little bit evil but HEY... that's not my call.  I was just waiting.  I was making it obvious that I was waiting in the wings since most good-looking girls already have boyfriends and since I wasn't going to be having TEMP girlfriends that I could dump if one of the fine ones suddenly became available, I resolved to just hold out and be single until they did become single and I could ask them out.  This turned out to last quite a long time and now, as I sit here wondering why they never left their boyfriends, I kind of wonder if they were whores... just saying.  I mean I was waiting quite a long time.  Maybe their lifelong boyfriends and husbands were pimps?  My sister has told me several times that her friends don't find me sexy and to be honest, I wonder what I am missing or WAS missing.  Now I am fat.  I will be the first to admit that I spend my time eating and that NO WAY am I a role model at all.  I don't belong anywhere NEAR a TV and by that standard I judge others.   Well, enough self-loathing yeah?  It was in there.  

Stand for something... why? 

PS.  My other computer is shut down so no pictures for now, until I get my old computer back. 

Klingon Love

BLM WHM SMN SCH THF RNG BRD MNK WAR DRK PLD > 99

Deep Space 9 was not very good.  It was average to good for the first 3 seasons and frankly if you are in a hurry you might as well skip the first 3 seasons altogether because it is quite the fancy pants mainstay that an offshoot series is without its great writer and that's what this is.  I have to admit that even though I don't attribute much of the success of the later episodes solely to the addition of Worf, it IS much more interesting with him there.  It's like the episodes got its Messiah in some respects, or maybe its Kayless.  

And OMG was the show just a throwaway for Jadzia who is otherwise supposed to be this ancient person stuffed into a young woman's body like a sort of wonder woman character if you ask me who is sexy but uninterested but at the same time good looking and wise which adds up to a... a nothing character.  She is wise and technical but since they have OBrien there as chief engineer, she sort of serves as an I don't know what role since she is second to Sisko but wait over here is Kyra who is second who is like an Executive Officer but really is just a nice to look at.  Truth is part of me had to suffer through her romances because they were so flimsy and part of me thinks if it wasn't for her the whole thing would not be worth looking at, so maybe she saves them long enough for the series to become interesting at about season 4.  

It's just around season 4 that it really starts to pick up.  I don't know if that is when they bring over the writer from TNG(The Next Generation) or if they start to finally have enough money for good music or more money for special effects but it gets good here.  When they took away Odo's power I just thought it was time to dump the series.  It seemed like they lost their special effects budget and that the rest of it was just holding out till the end.  And when Odo kills one of his own despite their credo of not killing one of their own, I thought the whole things was going to fall apart. A part of me was like EW, now WE are the bad guys THANKS!  

Don't even get me started on Kyra and her Deanna Troi only dates world leaders' mentality but she is actually faithful and devout except for she kills people.  Her character is kinda stupid.  She does a fine job acting but the stuff they write for her, ew.  

And this brings me to my reason for writing is because it sure did get a lot better.  After the Dominion attacks and Gul Ducat is flung this way and that and Odo interacts with the gods and the wormhole turns out to have REAL gods living in them, it starts to get better.  It's like a genius showed up and took the whole series under his wing.  And OMG Jadzia and Worf.  When they get together the whole thing gets 10% better just because of that.  I mean who ELSE could an immortal yet worthless trill fall for but a Worf.  And who else but this woman just short of a wonder woman would stave off his molten and bleeding heart.  And when they start joking with each other, it gives me hope like nothing I have ever seen.  It's like all the episodes were worth watching just to reach this... realization... that it really WILL be all worth it even if LOVE is late in coming.  

And that episodes with his marriage and then the one where they go rescue an operative on their honeymoon... that one was priceless.  People could just skip the whole series and watch that one first and then watch the rest.  I think it's called "the beating heart".  

Well, I broke my own heart yesterday watching Alex.  I was mean and as I watched her I had to turn off the TV because I wondered at whether the news or something I said had sombered her demeanor.  I apologize if I did.  

I was looking for a show with one of my favorite girls in it and I arrived at one with Lacey Chabert.  She is really good looking but man her face is just I don't know, YOUNG looking, probably because of her role in Lost in Space.  

In the movie she is just about to be put into a mental institution by her husband who is a psychiatrist and works with other psychiatrists and it's really quite pathetic to see everyone ganging up on her and her trust fund, until her lawyer, played by Paul Sorvino, starts to take up for her and that turns the whole movie around at which point we find out that she was the one who killed her own father that killed her mother and from that you can guess who the movie unfolds.  It's really quite entertaining and I had a good laugh once or twice, possibly because of the vengeance and all.  

After that, somehow after breaking away from DS9, I found this movie by Neve Campbell.  I was scared to watch it slightly because I didn't want to rouse up old feelings for a girl I was once in love with but to be honest it didn't.  I guess I am over her then.  It was a great movie where she plays a police chief of a small town much like Tom Selleck's role in his small series on Netflix.  Yeah I can't think of the title just now but you all won't have trouble finding it.  She is not very sexy in most of it but at the end she starts to smile a lot and you realize why you tuned in in the first place, lol.  

I wonder if I love Alex.  I guess that's why single men need to have MULTIPLE love interests, to keep that possible focus... floating.  One thing I do know is that episode is what I want from my wife and when I have her, I don't want to 
have multiple or even temporary, I want Klingon love.  

PS. Since I don't have my old computer, I don't have pictures to put up.  Sorry guys. 

Stop Pointing

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Here goes some more Sarah and Michael Sheen action for ya. 

As you might be guessing I don't have the ability to use the computer like I used to.  I believe that my power core has given out and now I have to wait until I can afford another one.  I half believe someone infected the computer though because it was definitely getting turned on and  off due to some connection to the internet, in my opinion.  

Pointing is wrong.  Obviously in church we were told not to point and now 

MSNBC has given over to pointing and I wonder if they just don't UNDERSTAND that it is wrong or if they believe it's their right to point, on camera.  

"Why not point?" you ask.  Well for one thing it tells someone that it's you and not them.  It's accusatory, indicating perhaps that you are guilty of something.  

It's also akin to betrayal yes?  You may or may not be guilty, the person pointing may or may not be providing false witness(lying) but one thing is certain is that you NOW have an enemy.  It's a divide.  It divides people, it divides nations.  

In church you DON'T point because you are all of the same 
cuff, meaning you all have the same amount of money but really meaning that you are all on the same side and that if there are differences, they will heal over time undoubtedly through forgiveness but simply through the passage of time.  

Pointing does NOT heal.  Pointing is permanent.  Everyone remembers you pointing and instead of talking about someone who is perhaps evil or did something evil or careless, you have now ACTED against them by pointing.  

It's not hard.  

Gossipping is also evil because it leads to pointing.  People that gossip, let you know who are the only ones that will vandalize which of course is now an ACT against the body, an ACT against one of our own.  

So save yourself some time and anguish by NOT separating your own people from your flock.  Save YOURSELF, by not pointing... and then save the rest of us from your lack of wisdom.  

Reverend Al I realize you are like doing comedy when you are all like GOTCHA but a Rev should know better or at least address what he is doing as comedy.  

You don't see the Pope pointing at people do you?  

(EDIT: Ok so now that I was thinking about it he IS sort of pointing to politicians that act against the body so HE might be right by pointing them out, my bad Rev; but I still don't like it when he says "thanks to YOU for tuning in" :P )

Another point I want to address today is the immigrant situation.  By the way have you all watched Sword of the Berserk?  Do it.  It's ON DEMAND XBOX now and it's a newer version but that will whet you appetite to go back and 
search for the original series that was ten times better.  Oh, so there are few things we can all agree with and that is what is needed when it comes to immigrants.  It might be confusing to try and guess what is proper when it comes to immigrants so I struggle to justify what they are doing until I realize who ELSE is being discriminated against.   

Asians, being asian, should not mean you get treated differently.  You have the right to exist if you are asian and are a citizen.  You squint you eyes even though they are already squinting suspiciously at everyone, you can get a tan 
even though you have got the advantage over whiteys, you can even bounce up and down TRYING to be tall.  You have that right and now that I have said my peace I will leave you alone... oh one more thing... you LOVED Brad... lol.  

Jews, being Jews should not be treated differently.  If they are born in Israel and have the name Natalie Portman then yes but everyone else no.  SPANK.  Now say something exculpatory and see what happens!  They have the right to 
exist simply by being Jewish and being a part of the country that separates religion from state.  Being from Israel means you might have ties to another nation which REALLY begs the line when it comes to the WHAT ARE YOU line of questioning but it does not mean there is a lot to discuss when it comes to your religion.  It celebrates making money and money divides people and way over here is your little nation that celebrates your religion like you are all ok with making money like they wish they could.  It's like having a WHOLE COUNTRY of enablers applauding the rape while you just OK yourself with the divide that worshipping money accords.  Hmmf.  I'm being too hard on them of course because there is a level of dignity to being well thought of and that dignity should be lavish and beautiful and exquisite... like Natalie Portman yes?  

(grogs another swallow of coffee... wipes his mouth)

Being gay is terrible.  The Bible tells me so.  It also tells that Jesus loves me... except that he is dead but not dead so like UNdead.  Well, if you have read my previous blogs you know that I believe Jesus lives within us and that all things are tangible at least in your mind.  The Bible, if you interpret it like I do, makes mention of sodomy as abhorrent but it's not the act that it means is abhorrent, it's the addiction.  Addiction is what we call someone that is NOT of sound mind.  You have lost control of your body once you are addicted AND...  NOW... others are allowed to fear you.  See that??   You have ALLOWED others to fear you.  That's addiction... it's abhorrent.  It is the breakdown of the mind into its animal state.  People that are gay no longer seek to reproduce children and even though I believe these people should allowed to exist, they are by definition no longer contributing to the body politic.  The country is no longer growing.  Now this doesn't mean we SHAVE OFF the useless gay people like so many retired citizens with too many pension(like DETROIT), it means we understand what the Bible was trying to say and make amends for it, by continuing to allow them to adopt children, by explaining what the goal of life is... to procreate.  By making clear that even if they have no purpose, that THAT'S a purpose to not have one, like so many neutrons to stabilize the protons or like so much 
nitrogen to stabilize the incendiary oxygen in our atmosphere.  

I was thinking recently of my brother's wife's child.  He is sort of an invalid.  He does not work and needs others to care for him and is quiet most of the time but always smiling as far as I can tell.  Should we ERASE him from existence?  Is the VOID better... the SPACE that he would leave?!!!  That's what you do when you point.  You divide our people.  You make enemies.  You embrace the VOID.  As it stands now I believe his mother should be allowed to vote TWICE because that's the least of what she has done for society is to bring 
up a child that is helping our body to grow... MORE than gay people.  

Black people are terrible.  Sounds awful to read that right?  It's almost racist to even type the words but that's what you are doing when you say the words "black people".  That's a separation.  But there is real divide out there.  Don't ask me WHO THE HELL that officer was that thought he could pull a lady over and assault her but he was definitely not doing his every day job with an every day intention.  I KNOW because an officer did that to me by following me too closely and forcing me to speed up to try to lose him and lo and behold he was a cop and now I'm getting arrested after being provoked. I guess I'm lucky I'm not dead and thank God I'm white or something.  

People have a right to exist... I STILL EXIST(what dreams may come).  I think therefore I am.  Cogito Ergo Sum. The only thing that allows them to know that they are safe are the words I AM AN AMERICAN, that define them as bound under the laws our fathers CHOSE for us... to keep us safe.  

Safety is not a factor in my thinking.  It never has been.  I have always just assumed I was safe.  I have the good luck of having been born tall and good looking and strong and wise and faithful.  People could look at me and wonder if I am an angel and they would not be far off.  At least that used to be true.  

The fact is that I am far more sexual than an angel so let's just SLIDE or ASTRO-GLIDE that point across for a moment.  And I have been infected with hatred.  I don't know if it was people from work or from the first bar or the second but for the last FOUR YEARS people have been lobbing hatred at me.  

There used to be a guy at the bar that would play the song "TIED to the whipping post" which was a good song he would play OVER and OVER for some reason.  Now I feel ok to talk about it now because it has worn off now.  It seems the horde got tired or something or maybe I talked about meeting with the FBI one too many times and maybe somehow they ALL don't want that... which of course now makes me think that I MUST do it since I at least know it wasn't them that was infecting me with it.  

I'm unsure.  

Science is a religion.  It is analytical and attack oriented and ruthless.  If you have ever done a math proof you know what finding the truth is like in science, it's long and drawn out and sort of like a legal contract in its wordiness.  It is 
THIS but NOT THIS therefore THIS and NOT that.  But it assumes we are ALL on the same side.  That's why scientists are never like soldiers.  Never the twain shall meet.  Scientists assume we are all on the same side and that they are safe and everyone else assumes scientist must know that they are not safe.  Scientists don't know about reality. It's a lot of why uneducated people grow up fighting and educated people grow up oblivious to knowing that fighting even occurs.  

Religion is witchcraft.  It is the art of making something OPPOSED to something else.  Religion, indeed even the BIBLE, separates man, separates EVOLVED man from his lesser counterpart.  Witches are merely priests or leaders from an opposing religion and religions are simply a set of laws that should be TOTALLY a subset of the Constitution or A constitution.  

They point out WHO must go and who is allowed to stay.  Witches are evil not because they are against everyone but because they are against SOMEONE.  

We are all in the same country.  You CAN'T choose for others and you certainly can't ACT against others.  If there is ever any doubt then that person must be judged and to be judged there MUST be evidence.  

It's not hard.  

Mexicans.  Now we come the final part of this blog about who is allowed to exist.  Asians ok.  Jews ok.  Homosexuals ok.  Alec Baldwins(but only in his role in Red October) ok.  Mexicans are not ok.  Nope.  Bye.  Mexicans were born under a different set of laws or Constitution.  Their NORMAL is dictators and the only thing they can teach us is how to BE dictators which is sort of like what the Bible is trying to SEPARATE us from. The only thing worse than realizing Trump is right is knowing that all this time I knew it would be someone terrible that opened our eyes to the truth.  The truth is out there.  

Now, I don't think he should get anywhere near the White House but you know what, if the rest of you can't see the MATH, can't see the PROOF for what it is because it's too long or too THIS and THAT, then you are all LESS than scientists... and that makes you witches.  People that are willing to ACT against your own and that possible reality wends my way to my cue to take my little angelic ass and fly out of here and maybe JOIN the Trump campaign if he is the only one that understands reality.  

It's better to infect your dying dragon with goodness, that to separate yourself into TWO dragons.  Oh and one more thing... stop pointing.  

A Bridge

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A Bridge... (do I mean "A Bridge to Nowhere" and that Trump is leading us down a path to darkness?  No I mean, in all things... ABRIDGE!) 

So we saw that Obama made his speech regarding incarceration, which I agree with, and I was happy to watch Alex despite her being in not such a good mood lately.  Indeed another shooting and judgment of a shooter don't make for a good news day anyways.  I am dismayed by Trump but sometimes I take heart in his folly because that's what elections are all about... having a choice.  

We don't have them to "crown" the next obvious person that just needed to catch up to everyone else... who is rich(Hillary).  

We don't have elections to certify the need for political parties which drum up the salaries of "lifer" party leaders that don't intend to ever run for office themselves... much like doctors that in a very "non-profit" way like to vote up their own salaries for the GOOD of the industry.  

We also don't have them to inspire the best candidates to compete because the "best" candidates are the ones who don't quit and in truth, perhaps like Elizabeth Warren, the best candidates aren't the ones we deserve or GET to have merely by the fact that, like I said before, teachers don't make good politicians.  Just look at Bernie Sanders.  He is a politician and he sure does get Elizabeth's message right on many points... but does he KNOW what he is saying or have a method leaned out when it comes to Wall Street... probably not.  Trump knows what he is saying... but do you really think he will vote down a rich guy's pay or put in maxes for ANY CEO out there from ANY industry... nope.  

We don't have elections so that the best candidates end up in office.  We have them so that WE THE PEOPLE, get a choice... hopefully many choices.  And if there is anything that electing Obama has taught us is that even if someone has NO experience in politics, he can't mess it up all that much.  And if Obama can do a decent job then having DC experience is NOT a requisite.  And I hope they do it again this time, elect some nobody that people honestly believe in as President, even if it's Trump, because I have faith in people.  

Hopefully they do it this time and they don't forget to replace the CIA director which to me seems like the FIRST thing any rational person in a free society would do... unless you were "new".  

PS.  Lol, I just thought of something... TRUMPED UP CHARGES... hah!  TRUMPED UP CHARGES!  What if... right?   Wait, what if I got what I had coming you say?  Ur so mean... :(

BTW, my main computer is fried so it may be awhile before I can post regular blogs. (Alex thinks to herself and suddenly remembers that one time she slighted the NSA on camera...)

Oh and one more thing... I have looked up at how to diminish this cavity in my front tooth and apparently it includes excluding as much as possible... phytic acids.  I had to look up what they were and it says that they are acids that help cause tooth decay.  They are a big part of seeds and grains and unprocessed foods.  To myself I thought that there was no way this could be a problem for me since most of my food is fresh cooked but actually I DO eat a lot of cereal.  I DO drink a lot of coffee whose beans are famously inclusive of phytic acid.  And cocoa beans I thought to myself were a non-issue but I WAS eating a lot of Snickers for some reason at the time my cavity developed.... THANKS SARAH I blame you; no not really, but hey if you like me more and feel the need to follow me to a party so we can work that out... sounds good.  (Has PERHAPS nothing to do with recent episode of Friends where Rachel gets hooked on a guy she fogged.)