Refuge

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So when I was in Customer Service I started out as something of a bossy type.  I remember when I first walked onto the floor fresh from working my full-time shift as a McDonald's manager at 23, people asked me straight up if I was there to run the place and they even directed me to staffing control as though I belonged with the other managers there.  Fun fact, after 18 years, I never became a manager of Customer Service.  

Still, I was ready to be promoted and fact is so was everyone.  All people were ambitious and perky and forward looking.  We were all practicing the seven values as they were called and we were watching fraud types that liked to release multiple calls and interrupt customers and arrive late, we were watching them get fired.  After a while, we came to realize that despite our pristine status as top of the line workers, we were also on a very short leash.  

Fine with me I thought.  I had medical and dental coverage and compared to my phones desk at the Census Bureau, this was a step up.  In fact, I had always thought that working for the government was where the money was because that was the center, but NOPE.  

Anyways my message today is to point out that I became a much more combative person after my time on the phones.  I was a normal diligent hard-working person and after all that time I became someone that was a result of his environment.  Now I was not a fraudulent person ever, but over time I began to realize that some people needed to have their calls dropped if they were rude or have their messages interrupted if they were interrupting you.  I began to realize that customer service is not only a job, it's a culture.  Over time I became more satisfied with being mean to people over the phone because times were changing and one day I went over to Businesscard and things were MUCH different there.  They were respectful and polite and when they interfered with people it was usually a legitimate concern like a late statement or a confusing message, not a rant about a late fee that they mailed late.  

This is what has happened to Obama.  He is a result of the time he has spent.  I believe that he is going to be far more conducive to Republicans now than he has been in the past.  Moreover, I expect that he is making for himself a nest egg of goodwill that he will be able to live off of after his Presidency.  

The last thing I want to see for him is to have the life that the Texas governor had after her tenure was given over to GW.  She was left doing comedy acts and scrounging for speaker talks despite not being particularly liked by most business-minded people in her area... because she always sided with the people.  This lends to what the future will be for us I think.  Most Presidents will side with the poor as they start out in politics but will give over to the rich as their end comes close.  

I wish him well of course.  This new year will be one of strife and turmoil.  You can expect a new horseman to rear its ugly head and take us a step closer to a demise but that's normal.  Rich people are normal; slavery/whores and debt has been around forever; domination/bullying is a fact of life.  I am more resigned to it now.  I realize there is no Jesus coming back or a Apocalypse to be afraid of, there is only peace to look forward to. 

I was just watching a movie called REFUGE and it kinda bothered me cuz I wanted to see more boobies but meh.  It was a story about some young people left behind to fend for themselves presumably because their parents were arrested so they are forced to depend on each other and their older sister who goes from being paid full-scholarship freshman to the town's slut who was forced to find friendship anyway she could while taking care of her younger siblings.  Along the way she hooks up with a guy who has also lost his family sort of suddenly and somehow they begin to make it work.  It starts SO stupid I almost didn't want to watch it because NOONE goes home with a girl like that and makes it work.  That has been my hope for some 20 years and I am here to tell ya "it dudnt happin."  

But it's a good example of what will happen after said "apocalypse".  The more you mess things up, the more people start to work together.  The more organized and structured you try to make society, the more people want to escape or bend others' "goodwill".  

It's all 50/50. 

An eternal flame

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What is fire? 

As you might guess I have MANY definitions of fire not the least of which is LIES.  Fake truths or unnatural light.  But I have also mentioned before that hell comes from above from the sun.  That in reality heaven is peace and hell is the abnormality of that.  So saying that hell is below well... I would disagree with you and if you are a priest then that would make me... well, NOT one.  

But YOU can decide for yourself and the simplest solution to any problem is to first unplug and re-plug the system.  Stop listening to what you have been listening too then, think for yourself, then re-connect the parts of the world that coincide with your views and your plans.  Having your feet on the ground is someone that is not flying up high in the sky(aka breaking the law and getting away with it aka Superman)... dreaming.  Dreaming is the tool of Satan, so they say, as is the art of being Prideful.  I disagree.  Dreaming is key to achieving your goals, and pride is key to keeping and valuing what you own.  For example, I took pride in my job at Citigroup but when I went to the bar, I would dress down so as not to flash that side of me and in retrospect, it seems I perhaps SHOULD have kept up appearances so as not to seem vulnerable.  

Pride is a shield and serves to fight off gossip.  Jesus said to be humble but not so much that you allow gossip to take you down.  Pride should be there to re-establish the status quo when people say "he did this one thing" and you say " I also did this other thing for FOUR YEARS and GOT A DEGREE".  Or they say "he broke the law" and I say "people like to smoke POT LIKES IT'S LEGAL". 

If you take pride in what you do, you should have a short list of accomplishments ready to whip out anytime someone asks you if it's ok to speed or arrive late to work or whatever little "spells" that people from the other side will dish out to peg you.  Remember that in 20years of working at Citi noone ever attacked me, I see now, unless they were working for someone...  Unless they had an agenda.  It's unnatural for someone to care about you unless they are your friends so mark me when I say that someone you don't talk to that suddenly knows where you were last night, is probably getting fueled not by some GOOD feeling of being close to you and admiring you.   

So that's what lying is.  

You get told that you should be humble and then you overdo it and then people can smack you on your other cheek while you curse out your priest and promise to clean out the religion but NO this is not what the truth is.  Humble means to be like others, to be self-sufficient, and to be willing to listen when others have problems.  Someone humble should want to play for the sake of improving their skill and becoming more alive so that the group as a whole will have these skills, like darts at a bar... not to dominate.  

Ok so now that my meaning is clear on fire and lies you might be thinking to yourself what the heck did they mean in The Road by keeping the flame burning.  The kid used this as one of his tests to Guy Pierce after his father died.  He raised his gun and asked him and Pierce said yes.  What is that? 

It's a lie.  

Inside we are told there is a heaven and hell.  We are told there are miracles that are possible and that strange things exist from other worlds.  These are all lies.  There are no aliens in my opinion.  No space travel is possible and there is no heaven or hell.  There is only this.  Here.  Watch my hand as I pour sand back down to Earth.  Dust.  An end to suffering comes only by disconnecting.  There is no redemption without belief... 

Belief is the lie.  To be alive and connected to others you have to believe in a lie.  It's a flower.  A beautiful thing lasting seconds but being the fruition of a long expansive creation. It's a child.  You must have goodwill first.  These are the roots.  Then you must have communication and a constitution.  This is the stem of the plant or country.  Once you can communicate, you can all agree simply by outnumbering the less populace disagreeable ones.  It's possible to have a flower.  It's a marriage in fact.  People living together, caring for one another, paying bills that benefit all of them.  That's the order of the plant or of the stem.  You get TWO interlocking beings like a body with veins and arteries, flowing to and fro, growing together, larger, yet less stable.  

And at some point there is belief.  I flower.  Sex.  A child.  Pain enters.  Suffering begins.  Religion is suffering.  Flowers are a chance.  Just as they can be beautiful they can be eaten.  

Belief is a flower.  A lie.  But if we have already goodwill between us, if we are living together and are safe, then we can start to believe in righteousness.  A lie.  A flame.  

But this is exactly what our goal in life is, to burn, like a candle.  To believe that everything should be like you.  A lie.  

Pride.  

An eternal flame, yes?

PS. Happiness is not a state of mind that you can remain in, it is temporary. It's natural to want everyone to be happy like you, but you should recognize, that it can't last... that "always in motion is the future" - Yoda

EDIT: One more thing, I plan to embrace this flame when I get married.  It's gonna be hard because said woman will first have to forgo all belief and understand things like I do, then together we can embrace a belief and build a child.  I told you what marriage is in a previous blog yes?  A belief is madness but to be calm and be mad, you have to do it like I say.  

The sum of all fears

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A new thought pattern for you.  Since we know that eventually ALL changes to society follow the pattern of rich versus poor, it's important to note then HOW this happens.  

Today I will attempt to make that plain.  Recently I noticed that the government of Florida had allowed Satan's followers to establish a temple next to the traditional Christmas setup.  Free speech right?  What could happen?  

Well as you might think this led me to post my own OBSEQUIOUS comment on twitter requesting that I be allowed to place a guy in a suit with fangs NEXT to the Satanic Temple so that people would understand what people that worship Satan are all about.  

Fact is, if you haven't been to hell, you don't understand it and you are ill-equipped to combat it.  You can't place your shield in front of everything and expect to block magic.  Someone could be attacking you with fire so you face it that way, instead it could be they are attacking with cold from behind and now you've got your shield facing the wrong way.  Hell is chaos and if you want to be able to face your shield the right way, you're gonna need practice.  

Well, I've had some experience in this.  I know lies and I know fire and I know scorn and betrayal and I know frost.  So today besides giving you that little bit of help with fighting evil, I am going to give you a prelude to what Satan is.  

Satan is Jesus.  I have said this before.  He is the being cast out from heaven because he was too rowdy, too proud perhaps, too different, too righteous.  Righteousness is a bifurcation.  Order cannot exist NEXT to people that feel righteous.  Evil is defined as someone acting against others, in my opinion, but it is natural to act against someone that has acted against you or someone that has challenged you for a mate for example.  This is not evil.  So there are exceptions... the ones EYE lay out lol.  Just kidding.  

But you can form this for yourself.  You can tell what is natural order and what is evil for the sake of evil... for the sake of domination.  Domination is very natural but that part of nature is EXACTLY what civilization precludes or supplants.  Civility is an attempt to stamp out domination for the sake of establishing a larger family or "country" of people that follow the same purpose.  Now this is something that will blow your minds.  We do this with the understanding that our country must DOMINATE others.  

Sorry.  Yep, I'm Hitler... thoughtchu knew.  Hey, SarahK, just drew a dog for ya, wanna see?! 

That's all that can happen is that we treat each other VERY well with the understanding that we dominate others.  It's a very mixed bag.  So obviously instead of telling the world to watch out, we allow people to dominate each other right here at home just enough so the world doesn't see us as a threat and meh noone has come to kill me yet so I guess I don't need to take over the world so much.  

Now getting back to the altar to Satan.  I am opposed to things that are illegal.  Why?  Well, I didn't used to know why.  But after having a LOT of time off, I have put it together.  I know you are going to call me Captain Obvious for this but I am more analytical and less common-sensical, if you follow me.  Illegal things are achieved by people organized with their own set of rules.  These people are by definition... traitors.  They attack people or feed off of people that follow the rules by allowing them to break them for a price.  It's a nice thing to be free to do what you want but freedom to break the law is not Republicanism at its best, it's treason.  

Small wonder then that the richest among us are chock full of money they corralled by taking advantage of BLIND people, too full of working hours or too full of always doing the right thing, to really understand what drug-dealing and prostitution means to the average guy.  

Now don't get me wrong.  I think there is a right way to do prostitution and drugs.  Just make it legal.  People have an amazing sense of wanting to treat each other well as long as they are backed by police and both these actions, I believe, can be carried out well by people of goodwill.  

After all don't I have a handicapped friend that was kicked in the head and probably won't be able to have any sex if not for prostitutes.  Don't I have a brother who's first child was stillborn that died in his arms and probably needs some sort of shot in the arm for the anguish.  My second girlfriend warned me that she was very irregular during a certain month because her first child died that month.  It's no small wonder I have such contempt for doctors with so much incompetence literally visible to me with the deaths of babies.  She was slightly off also in my opinion but smart enough not to be addicted to drugs or even use them.

But I am getting sidetracked again.  My purpose here is to remind you that Satan is a perversion of Jesus.  An altar to Satan is an altar to chaos.  NO state or government should allow an altar to Satan because the purpose of any cult of Satan is to be free and to follow the animal instincts of... you guessed it... domination.  

It's like the charter to Hamas (the palestinian organization).  Their purpose is the destruction of Israel.  We can't allow that.  We can't allow people to follow this and call ourselves civilized and caring.  In my opinion, Israel is letting them have this organization just like having a black hand of society to keep Israelis in check and in the military.  It's a nice setup for Israelis who walk around with pride knowing they faced death for their country, which they DIDN'T, and all this next to the place of sacrifice where they took peoples lives to PROVE they were worthy.  Palestine is a cesspool of rejects but in reality just another example of the genocidal tactics used to create a cause that is tenable and self-perpetuating, imo.  

Disgusting. 

And that is what is happening when you set up a temple to Satan. You celebrate freedom to dominate.  You celebrate sacrifice not for the sake of the greater good but for the sake of the viral group of followers that feed off everyone else that is calm.  

I have one more thing to explain to you and that is people involved in illegality are organized in a way that may be traitorous but I believe that they are useful in keeping the country clean of refuse.   People that follow the law are the body, calm and clean, replacing their own obsolescence and improving their environment/organs of their bodies by slowly growing their wealth and happiness and the happiness of those around them. 

And, people that aren't part of the body are part of the blood.  These "organized" people are what clean out dead cells or people out from the system.  When "blood" people get sloppy or get caught, that's when the rest of the blood people gather up and fully digest the sloppy ones from the energized ones.  Amanda Bynes for example or Alec Baldwin.  When they get sloppy, it's a mad rush by people to slake their thirst by being brave enough to attack them especially if they seem scary or weak.  Bill Cosby is another example.  (on 2nd thought maybe we leave Bill Cosby on separate level from Bynes and Baldwin, oof, boy I feel bad now rereading this) These people are ones that were doing illegal things or unaccepted things or unpopular things that were ok to do if they got away with them... but then they got sloppy.  

It's in me too.  I was driving around quite often after going out to the bar and the only reason I got caught was that some drive-thru lady turned me in and betrayed me.  That's not sloppy, that is betrayal.  You can't point out someone and say there he goes and get him arrested, you need evidence!

Well, anyways it's been quite a few years since that happened so I am over it.  But nevertheless the lesson is there for me and for you that even though you have expectations, like to have something to drink and eat before you become dangerous while driving, you might be subject to a frost spell of betrayal by one of hell's minions that know just how to use magic.  

But fact is, and I realize this now that I have had time to reflect on it, I was scaring people.  This is why you need close friends.  Friends that will tell you you are doing this.  The friends I had DIDN'T tell me and that's why I am not going back to them.  They aren't guilty of anything but the are not good friends if they don't stop you from getting arrested.  

So that's my lesson for you today is that even though there are some bars chock full of drug-dealers and prostitutes, they are probably a part of the blood which keeps the body and the entire organism/city/country... FREE of sloppy individuals and as such deserve not your hatred, but your understanding.  

PS. The sum of all fears is not understanding everything, it's knowing that people can CHANGE what you know to be true or CAN know to be true. It's Satan. It's a perversion of the truth.  Hitler was brainwashed into his cause.  People have done it over and over in history, some call it racism, some call it genocide, some call it Hamas, but always it's plainly best described as domination. 

EDIT: You know what I find funny is a black man or a woman out there preaching about domination/republicanism... bwahahahaha... it's like they don't realize first thing that should happen is that they go right back into their cage.  

Another BS night in Suckville

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 In watching a recent movie about Being Flynn, I realized that maybe people would not want to read about my autobiography.  It's funny but how the story ends really decides whether or not the story is worth telling, I guess. 

My father often tells me that in his younger days he was a man of action, a candle, whatever that means and recently he told me that age has finally caught up with him.  In my opinion, I still don't see that it has but ok.  He tells me that I am still young and have plenty of time to do things in life.  It's strange.  I feel like age has already caught up with me even at this age.  But I told him that if he thought so, then maybe it was possible.  

I don't even know why I started paid to watch Being Flynn.  I was looking for movies by Olivia Thirlby.  Don't ask me why but her face just draws me to her.  She is really good-looking in my opinion even though it's not like omg blue-eyes good-looking.  Don't ask me why.  People are probably wondering about DeNiro or the other character and the whole time I am just wondering what Olivia's character is all about. 

So the movie was about being a writer, which I call myself, so it really honed me up for a career in writing which as it turns out is a very difficult and risky life.  It lays some dead-on punches about what being a dreamer is all about and how ACTUALLY disdainful it is to others.  

Recently, I went out with my parents on their anniversary and we had some good food but for some reason they sat some people right behind my parents facing me which I didn't find odd but then they started to look at their phone a lot.  

So it was time to take their picture.  

Fair enough yeah?  Well, some minutes later the guy starts to cough and then some more, soon me and him are clearing our throats like the two climbers on a mountain range.  What gets me is that he is there with his girlfriend.  I mean why bring HER into this.  One thing is for sure is that I am not going to take it, gf or no, because all that happens is they walk away happy and I walk away wondering how to get even... which never happens.  So I am required to counter their maladies directly and publicly if I am to have some sound sleep that night.  

Yet for some reason, my parents thought it an opportune time, when it was time to leave, to ask them about their lineage and boy were they smiles then.  Just a couple of nice people, laughing, wishing us well, what a nice thing to have a nice conversation after a meal that they coincidentally finished when we were done.  I smiled but inside I was unsettled.  

Still, I slept soundly that night.  

Another time recently, I went to the zoo and spent a wonderful day with a bunch of people all marveling at the weird animals.  It was my first time at the Jacksonville Zoo and I have been here 20 years.  My mother asked me to go and I was up for it.  But I got tired very quickly.  I need to do more exercise if I am going to get back in shape.  I guess I have told you all about my back and lately it has been getting better but it has definitely taken a beating and developed some mannerisms.  Everything was going good until we stopped to get some slushies and sat there for a while talking.  I got comfortable but as I slouched there on the bench, my back did that awful thing of locking in a twisted fashion and after that I was struggling.   We had to cut the visit short and got no more than half the zoo done.  Still it was fun and the day was great and at least it will make for a nice visit the next time I go since I haven't seen it all.  

I read some terrible things in the news recently.  I mean WOW man I can't take a couple of days off from twitter and whole thing seems to fall into shambles.  New York is having protests, a black man's family that was killed by police is basically being told too bad you all are black, and the President falls ill.  

See it's times like this that I want to come out of my hole guns blazing to save the world, and yet HOW is at all productive?  So I guess it's back to twitter.  Maybe I can post some comments to calm things down.  I mean the whole time I'm there things get more and more boring and then I quit it and POOF, world crisis!  

I have even been missing Alex lately which is funny because everytime I look at her now it's like she got BETTER looking.  Very strange.  I guess I am missing a TV figure somehow.  

But I have been busy with my video games.  I recently bought Diablo3 and even though it was very entertaining for a while I sought more online interaction with other people and got involved with FFXI again which for some reason is chock full of evil people both that are involved in Real Money Trading (RMT), which is against their rules, and GMs that like to mess up my statistics sometimes.  I call them GMs but it likely is some gane developers that have taken a personal interest in messing up my online exp.  A part of me thinks that there is some way they can see what I have because often they are spooky like that when they talk about stuff.  

Anyways I had a falling out with one of them, who pretended to be my friend and then pretended not to know he was disrespecting me.  So I told him he was going to be Blacklisted, which also means muted, and HE went ape-shit with the cursing.  Good riddance.  He's lucky I didn't have his account banned for it.  

So after that most people started to not want to talk to me for some reason, even though he was the one that lost his marbles.   So it was time to move on.  Inquisition came out and I was expecting great things.  I started to save my money and even used up a Best Buy giftcard my brother gave me to help buy the game the very day it came out.  It was strange though because it didn't come with a book even though it was still wrapped in plastic. 

It was fun for a while but now it drags.  I haven't tried the online part of it but really it's just meh.  Dissappointing.  I hope that when I do try it online it is a lot better but I want to finish the story once before I do and I just don't see that happening soon.  It's too boring.  

It's also too slow.  I have it installed on the hard drive and it's frozen up several times and I can hear the disk still running sometimes even though it's supposed to be using the hard drive.  Very strange.  

So then I installed Defiance.  I had to remove other games from the hard disk since it is chock full of movies and games but on a high note at least those games don't run on the disk which takes it easy on my machine.  I told you all that I had to take it apart and vacuum it so now I try to handle it carefully so it doesn't overheat.  This means I don't want to run the disk if I can help it.  

Well I'm pooped now so I guess I will skip the part about the body and the blood and how we all are a part of the ying yang of life that must each respect each other even if we disagree.  

Till next time.