ONE is the loneliest...

BLM WHM SMN SCH THF RNG BRD MNK WAR DRK PLD > 99

So now that people realize what it means to work in public I guess I should warn you all off about XBOX.  I am trying to figure out why Destiny keeps dropping me from my connection when I am about to finish a difficult Daily Heroic, which gives me 2 shards and takes quite a bit of time to get through, esp since I have 3 characters I need to take through them.

Before, as I have written, I was dropped from the game constantly.  I got codewords ranging from baboon to lizard to weasel.  I started to wonder if these were starting to sound like personal attacks.  But sure enough, I did some legitimate research at the XBOX forums and found that Port Forwarding is all the rage now.  You are wondering what this is yes?

Well, port forwarding specifies which ports your xbox will use on your router.  It seems like this ought to be something already dreamed up by the manufacturers but oh well, I'm an old man so I relegate my stupidity to the fact that maybe this is in fact some sort of NEW thing.  So I do the port forwarding, manually, and sure enough my gameplay goes off without a hitch.

Recently though, I have been getting dropped again.  It happens infrequently at least but ONCE it dropped me just as I was finishing a long mission.  I have TOLD you all about the particulars of people that JUST MIGHT have installed a listening device when the ONE cable company set up your internet run by your ONE gaming console, right?

So today I resolved to address it and started to do some research.  I figured, after all, that the internet speed was sort of slow when it came to Twitter and since I knew COMCAST was getting the benefit of our lower band usage, I resolved to contact them and resolve it if it was necessary.

So I contact them via chat and sure enough, we do a speed test and my MBPS go from 30 up to the 50 Mega bauds per second that they are supposed to be at.   I give accolades to the chap that I am talking to and off I go to try out the speed on my xbox.

Hangup.

I check the Network Statistics and it shows a download speed of ~17 MBPS.  And my latency, which I just checked was at 12 milliseconds, was now registering at 181ms.  So more research yeah?  I read and read and read.  Nothing new, they ask me to turn stuff off and reset the whole thingorother and whoopdy do nothing about configuring the xbox or explaining how it is that my computer can read one speed and the xbox read another.  

I go to the forums and there is my answer.  People in the United Kingdom(UK) and Australia have also had these problems but moreover they have been sharp enough to TEST their xboxes and EVEN their XBOX ONE which is supposed to be state of the art, and they saw the ms on their latency go from the teens up to the hundreds after some update done by xbox.

Now far be it from me to point out the fact that the ONE gaming console wants to save money by removing several servers that could be handling the load of gaming that they are beset with.  The truth is, games are a risk yes?  They are popular now but in about 3 or 4 months they might not be so popular and there you are saddled with bunches of extra servers you bought to handle the load.

But it seems to me, unfair, to make money using this excuse and not having to check it off with some regulatory body.  Someone should demand a set standard for gaming so that it is never crossed for the sake of saving money.

Oh and you know what else I found out is that by their own explanation, the "certified" speed for running a game on xbox is 150ms or lower.  It means the speed that you connect with the gaming servers from xbox should be at 150ms or lower so that you don't have a lag in gameplay. That's what they say is their standard and they say that if the ms is higher then you should contact your ISP and demand more bandwidth, lol, to meet their standard.

Except that I did call them, and the computer meets that standard just fine... just not the XBOX... and from what I read in the forums, neither does the XBOX ONE.  

PS. I'm so upset right now at them, I'm sitting here munching my cereal, pouting, typing, wiping my greasy fingers, and figuring out what the world is like in corporate America... the audacity of those people!  But at least, I can laugh at Baltimore, hah hah hah, I might be getting treated like an idiot but at least I don't have police slamming me on my backside with their nightsticks, hah, it's important to have perspective.  Tomorrow, I'm going to be really upset at some birds that like to sing right at midnight...  BEDLAM!!! (sarcasm) 

EDIT: Oh and this crazy talk has nothing to do with me imagining what it would be like to have my spinal cord snapped, while handcuffed, while choking to death... yeah... nothing.  Is someone going to please interrupt my porn now?   

Some thoughts(not cool)

BLM WHM SMN SCH THF RNG BRD MNK WAR DRK PLD > 99

I was watching MSNBC and CNN all day yesterday, wondering how great it would be to just have a whole day of watching LOCKUP, 24/7, while counting my bitcoin(sarcasm); and here go some thoughts.  

We can do what we want.  

We don't have to explain ourselves.  

We can kill people and you can't do a damn thing to stop us.  

Even the President can't do nothing.  

Look at all these people defending us and they don't even know why they are doin' what they're doin'.

Mr. LAW and ORDER, hah.  

Mr. HIGH and MIGHTY.  

It's catching up with you now, Hartigan(Heart-is-gone), it's catching up with you but good.  

Even the national guard is like, what the hell are we in here with tanks for? Oh yeah, some cops murdered a black guy and WE gotta keep the city from burning so THEY can sit pretty with their secrets connections and watch the rest of us FEAR their little dragon gang of assassins.  

They say they are gonna put out a report, a POLICE report, a public POLICE report, about an action taken in PUBLIC...

when they are DAMNED, GOOD, and READY! 

PS. If this was a story in some newspaper, my editor would probably tell me to stop being melodramatic. 

EDIT: One more thing I have to say about Erin is that she is so beautiful, and so calm and patient, it makes you want to impress her with what you say.  She is like the optimus reporter because you honestly want to tell your side and get her to see it.  I saw a whole bunch of people tell her things they wouldn't normally say but since it's Erin, I SEE how I would have said those same things just to get her to see it my way even for a moment.  My  favorite scene was the one with the gang member and ex-special agent, they were BOTH so wrong they couldn't even tell what they were doing, but they did it for our(the public's) benefit.  The special agent telling him to RUN, hah, he couldn't even tell he was doing anything wrong he was so corrupt.  Us/them people... us/them.  We have to STOP the divide. 

Mana

BLM WHM SMN SCH THF RNG BRD MNK WAR DRK PLD > 99

The best thing about knives is that they run out of sharpness.  That gives me hope that most people's hatred runs dull after a while.  But moreover, I want to talk about the type of people that remind me of knives, mainly ALL of them.  

This is a recent development since I just got the idea when I reached over to turn the water off while washing dishes and I noticed the knife had its blade up.  How dangerous I thought to myself, but if you think about it the blade could be face up, facing YOU, or it could be face down... DAMAGING its plastic holder.  

Now if you think to yourself you are probably wondering if this is wiser than possibly damaging yourself with a cut.  That's the rub.  There's the difference because that's where you decide if you should be nicer to your family or nicer to the public.  Now to some people family is everything.  Since I have always been afforded a great deal of trust, I have always ASSUMED that it was due to a close knit family or the APPEARANCE of it, that we were afforded such luxury but fact is, we have a great many failings as a family not the least of which is our discombobulation towards drugs and drug dealers.  

Since time immemorial we have hung out with our dad at bars.  We have seen how happy he gets and we have shared in that happiness.  And there is something ethereal about being able to trust everyone you are around and then having a drink.  But there are REAL failings to trusting everyone, especially when you are unwilling to delve FURTHER into such friendships or maybe even when you ARE.  

Long ago my sister met some people and they were kind of embarassed I guess to have me there at first but I tried to get along with everyone for the sake of my sister.  I even invited some of them along with me to a corporate party and gave them a ride in my expensive car at the time.  They weren't close friends and they NEVER got me laid, but they got my sister laid and they were cheerful enough and that was enough for me, as long as she was happy.  Besides she is good-looking enough that if she could be friends with some other just as good looking hotty I might just get lucky.  At this late stage of my life I have to make the realization  however that hanging around with your HOT sister, even if she isn't hot to you, is like using a crutch to run a race, its sort of counter-productive I am realizing even though it felt like I was close to my goal.  In fact it felt like I was close to my goal the whole time didn't it?  Here I am sitting with a hotty in public, "right here ladies that's the hot guy sitting with a hotty", thinking that's all I need is just some "association" skills.  I need to become like them and I will be IN with the hot chicks who like only hot guys.  

But fact is, hot chicks like guys who do magic.  It's not hard.  Whether you magically got into Harvard, like Obama, which he didn't cheat but being in the top 5% of people who try and then being able to afford it, is more like wizardry than magic(see the movie Prestige - could write a book just on that movie), or you magically come up with a WHOLE lot of spending money, women like to be well-regarded by their peers, that's right, I like to call them the hot chicks club.  

So my "kindness" at being friends that were good-looking and exciting and who had a lot of money, might have been best described as a trip to Pleasure Island where I end up a donkey and a liar, and did I mention strings?  

Same thing goes for my brother, except we didn't stay close the whole time me and my sister were looking for mates in our ventures into night club land and yet sometimes we would all get together and make a night of it and it would seem that at least being together was enough even if there weren't good looking "mates" out there for us.  But after those nights is the real trouble because we are all "blade down" kind of people, we don't hurt others but blade is pointed inward.  When we find illegality we keep it inside, we cut ourselves, we soften the reality of it, much like we grew up doing with our father who made us keep secrets about him going off to the bar.  It's a kind of abuse isn't it?  Yeah, but you know what, for some reason I don't think he did a bad job, I think he did the best he could.   

This brings me to another point is sanity.  Perfection is not a goal, perfection is here.  Imagine my rotting tooth for a moment.  All of those years of cleaning and washing and now there it is, a slight imperfection that is never going away, that's sanity.  You have it, but you can lose it and HOW you lose it is not by thinking weird things or learning the wrong ways of doing things or by working too hard and losing track of reality... it's by DAMAGE.  Trauma causes insanity.  People that hate you, cause insanity.  If we are all a part of the body politic, we should all be thinking the same thing, following the same laws, believing the same values.  It's only when you find yourself, like I find myself now, in the midst of illegality that you wonder if you belong here.  When did I get lost and become a member of the retards?  When did my light  and aura become a cloud?  How did my halo get tilted when all I ever wanted was to fix things?  

My family is wondering that too.  Your family is wondering that.  What happened to you?  At this point, all I can say is that it's time to take the knife out from inside me and point it out.  People have always said I was abrasive but they have no idea what abrasive is when I start to point to their illegality. 

All we have is our police.  Without them we have just our guns and our "swinging cods" (Serenity).  If you can't call the police, it's time to pull out your weapons deal with whatever needs to be dealt with and wait for the police to be called on YOU.   That's illegality.  You, involved in illegality, can't call the police.  If you think you were getting away with something, you were wrong.  If you think you were making money while noone was caring, you were wrong.  If you think you earned this money, WRONG, you were allowed to earn this money which is like a non-statement.  People in charge, billionaires, chambers of commerce, priests, drug lords or what have you, they notice you when you do illegality and because they are in charge of a great many people, they can bend the rules to either allow you or not allow you to survive a court battle.  That's the real magic is your public opinion.  That's what they call mana.  Mana is public opinion.  Mana is food from the gods.  God is public opinion.  If you have a lot of it, like most NFL players or rock stars or governors, then you can get away with some few mishaps because you are using up mana, but remember that you can get addicted to mana... and one day it runs out... probably not when you expect.  Like people that sing karaoke and think they can drive around drunk... not saying who... not saying.  

But my brother and my sister need to be able to call the police.  They need to be able to shout at the devil and win.  I hope they still can.  For me, I am not sure.  I know I can burn people but since it's just me, I don't see the beauty in it.  I have always been beautiful so I don't get the whole glory thing, its kind of like a guy who sings in a band that checks himself in the mirror, it's that.  Motabu, hah hah, I don't even know what that means but there was this one guy we all made fun of cuz he looked at himself in the mirror once.  It's probably the only time I ever laughed at a person, no to be honest I didn't laugh but that puzzle has remained in my head about being prideful or just having honor, it seems you need both to be good at what you do.  

Sidetracked, so the police are necessary yes?  We need to be able to call them and get a response.  We need to maybe have our "blades out" when it comes to illegality right?  Even now some guys have joined me online and since I don't like to make friends online I told them no.  Friends online are fine but their signals can be annoying.  Imagine doing something and poof, friend is online.  Now imagine that happens over and over or when you are just waking up or when someone calls or when someone mentions the bar.  It can be spooky.  So that's why I am going to remove them as friends but I needed to add them first to make a clan for Destiny which likes to use your email info so that it can send you notifications.  Do you see where this is going?  It's convenient to have Destiny access your Microsoft email and XBOX live info but imagine the game bending your will, imagine some guy out there doing that to you on purpose just cuz you know who needs to go to jail?  It's domination.  

I was watching the Destiny trailer for the House of Wolves expansion and people were just "hey what about an auction house"?  It's like have you not SEEN what happens when you start to have an auction house, namely, real money trading(RMT).  This means that people send in their MUCHO drug money that they need to launder and get tons of free stuff online.  Then they filter these out to their helpers right?  Their little hackers get to sit around and have free stuff thrown at their characters while they help dominate some poor fool(like me) who isn't ever going to succumb to illegality or being a part of it.  Yeah, in fact I wonder about porn now too since they used that porn streaming to influence me.  A just the wrong times it would cut off and stop streaming.  Can you imagine getting pissed off at just the wrong moment?  What sort of behavior do you think comes after that... violent behavior?  It's a sort of bomb isn't it?  You can just plug someone in by the ONE cable company, listen in to their stuff and the one day they turn their porn streaming on, poof, instant terrorist.  Do that a couple of times and now you got funding for those expensive drones your police department was wanting.  

It can't be allowed or better said, it must be watched.  It's a new world we are in with online interactions, and obviously the opportunity is to turn online money/violence into real money/violence.  

Ok sidetracked again, (SHOWING you right?) So in Destiny they are thinking of installing an auction house where people can trade each other their hot weapons that drop rarely so that sometimes they never get the one they want.  The problem I pointed out was that once people can trade online, RMT which already has many huge companies out there(or maybe just one that ate all of the others) can now take your REAL money and give you items for it.   

Your kids will LOVE it!  That is until the day they find out it's illegal and don't ever want to admit they did anything wrong and fast forward 20 years and they can't call the police because of ALL the stuff they can't admit to but they need help against thugs.  

Btw, thugs is not a word for black people.  Thugs are paid criminals.  This means they make money off of others through illegality.  It has nothing to do with color.  Criminals do illegality for themselves, thugs do it in a group, that's all.  It has nothing to do with black people.  China men can be thugs.  The President was right just how he said it.  

Ok so time to end this, um... yeah so blades out people, call your police once in a while too.  You need to find out where the station is and you need to be able to reach someone besides the receptionist if you ever need to call and you'd better go ahead and have that number written down somewhere in case you have questions that are related to "how do I get out of this".  

Fact is, you can't rely on drug dealers.  You might think oh they're just people, but facts are once you know a drug dealer, you are a liability, a drain on the business, not an asset.  They have to keep on paying to keep you quiet right?  Like forever?  It's so stupid.  Don't be stupid.  Illegality like marijuana and cocaine and I don't know, whores and anal sex, should be done with people you expect to be your LIFELONG friends or family and they should treat you as an equal the whole time because that's what you both are... right?  You are equally able to EFFFF each other at any given time, for the rest of your lives.  

Have a nice day.  

PS.  Well I forgot that the whole point of today was to talk about Baltimore.  The Baltimore Colts hahaha.  I know it's not funny but really it is.  Long ago, it became obvious to me that cities that were not "happy" just so happened to not be very good at football.  Who knew?  And since I was born in New Orleans, I got to know the other really terrible cities that were also perhaps as corrupt and lousy at football.  

Sidetracked ok, so in Baltimore we saw the mayor do her best, fail, then call in the National Guard.  This is exactly what should have happened, in my opinion.  The people there don't TRUST their local police and because of that, the option of bringing in outsiders that are not from the local area is exactly the right thing to do even if they are perhaps TOO military.  But in my experience, a soldier is THREE times more disciplined than a police officer, but that's just my opinion.  

What should happen now is that the police station should just be disbanded, all of them should be forced to re-apply for their jobs and the people who don't pass the "interview" test, which is basically the "can this guy handle this job in my opinion" test, are WEEDED out like the public demands.  It's not fair but when people go out and protest it doesn't mean take it easy and watch it next time... it means the next step is REVOLUTION.  

On the other hand, sometimes it means "hey man you or we gotta do what's right man, and you wanna buy my CDs?" (right Chris?) 

The best stories

BLM WHM SMN SCH THF RNG BRD MNK WAR DRK PLD > 99

Today is the anniversary of what... a wedding?  I have never understood keeping an anniversary of a mass murder and most especially when people refuse to look at the whole picture of what happened.  

True to form, Rachel finally gave some substance to what happened by fleshing out the motives behind McVey's act of mass murder.  She pointed to a man that was religious then suddenly thrust into the military, of his own choosing, and then coming home to society that is riddled with false truths and petty wrongs that would have been out and out ridiculous to ponder doing to your fellow soldier.  Small wonder he could not find a woman who in a 40 year old's mind would have seen the value of what he had to offer instead of a half-wit semi-addled by the war.  

But it's not his fault is it?  We all should understand how these things work so that going forward we can see the outcome of moving tanks on our own soil or bribing foreign governments misunderstanding that somehow we VOTED these people into office.  Impropriety bleeds like a half melted icicle that drops and then starts an avalanche.  

But moreover, I should probably tell you a personal story of impropriety.  After I was arrested, I found out that my car was taken to a tow truck company.  Yeah, that's right we are gonna talk about tow truck companies today and I don't have just a few stories but we'll see how many I can throw in here before I get tired.  So, I get out of jail and go look for my car with the help of my parents and we end up at this tow truck company.  It's not the first time this happened as I told you that 10 years ago I was AGAIN arrested and had the car taken and had to go to a different tow truck company and get my car.  

What a job though huh, running a tow truck company/junkyard?  I was just thinking this in the shower.  You got your basic junkyard, filled with shoddy cars some of which run and you basically just wait for the police to pick up drunk drivers.  Which can't be too hard to do can it?   Every single bar out there is CHOCK full of cars with people who think "noone is watching me park at a bar".  I remember growing up with my father thinking the same thing that wow we are going to a bar but won't people KNOW that we are leaving a bar in a car?  

Sidetracked, so this place is like a paradise right?  You wait for police to call, then go pick up a car, then you wait for the money to come in and for every car... BAM, $250 or something like that.  Four cars per day and you got yourself a business that pays for itself with NO working parts.  And if you get any trouble, POOF, police show up lickety-split since you are basically their friends and stuff.  No never mind if you swing em a cool THOU every now and again for thinking of you instead of the other tow truck companies right?  

Oh, oh sidetracked again, so my story is that I go to the tow truck company to get my car out and my license plate is missing.  Nope.  You can't make this up.  They took my license plate off of my car and said it was procedure even though Florida statute says the car should be impounded as part of the sentence.  That's right, part of the sentence should include having the car impounded but here they are carrying out that procedure ahead of time, BEFORE sentencing.  So let's see what to do yeah?  Should I just go home and hope they treat me nice next time and come back with the $1000 dollars that this tow truck company is going to charge me for leaving my car in their yard for a week, or do I take it off their hands and drive the car home without a license plate?  

You can't make this up. 

Later, as I wait the week for me to be able to pick up my license plate from the jail, I ask them what happened since at that time I was like a guppy getting moved from fish bowl to fish bowl.  I ask them for a copy of the arrest report and I get this incredibly redacted blotch of stuff that I KNOW is going to exclude the part where the lady said I wouldn't leave the drive-thru and she was forced to call the police.  And as support for their actions, she comes back and says it was part of procedure that they take the license plate.  I found out later that it WASN'T part of procedure.  But meh they were probably pissed that I told them "no" I hadn't been drinking.   

So I take the license plate(the jail had it) back home and off I went to wait for trial.  It costed me about $200, I'm not sure, to get my car out for the ONE day the tow truck company had it.  

Now I don't want to wrangle on about how messed up I was treated after that.  Suffice it to say that the DMV somehow learned that I drove my car home without a license plate and managed to ask if I had ever driven the car, even though it was not related to what happened that night.  I was there asking for a temporary 6 month license so that I could drive to work.  Something I didn't really need since I was not working.  But they managed to hit my HOT button, by asking about SECRET stuff as police and off I went under oath, "defending" myself.  You see if they were going to put me in jail for that, I was going to put all this trash out for everyone to see, like I am doing now, except that you don't know who I am.  

But that's the system, that works with these types of police, that works with these people at the tow truck companies.  Wait, didn't I just SAY that government shouldn't work with businesses?  Didn't we just learn about the impropriety of "caveat emptor"?  Yeah, that's right, we shouldn't let police work with private companies and to fix that we should NOT allow drinking and driving at all or we should COMPLETELY allow it, and by that I mean only arrest people after they are in an accident or after they have broken the law, like I was expecting.  This abomination of a law where people can just "point and shoot" at people driving has got to be the first of many forms of DIVIDE that we will see in the coming years.  

To stop you, police need probable cause, because that's the only way you will feel safe from police in your car.  That's why I felt safe in the drive-thru is because I was no longer on the road, I was no longer a threat; and as soon as I gulped down this FOOD and drink, I was going to be better.  

I hear say however that Florida has just passed a NEW law that's even better than the DUI-there he goes-citizens arrest law.  Now if you are "texting" while driving, you can be arrested... POOF bye-bye probable cause, hello do you gotta phone, and are you on it then you can get pulled over.  Hope you don't have an arrest warrant or the smell of MJ in your car or you just left a bar because of some trouble there because someone POINTS YOU OUT, and now you don't even need to have broken a law for them to stop you.  

You are probably thinking, this is a good thing.  Less DUI on the road is better.  No, people betraying others, begets MORE people betraying others and that's not good for police that work with one side of that equation.  They aren't supposed to be on anyone's side.  They are supposed to be defenders, not attackers.  

Oh yeah, WAY back there I was going to inform you of mass murders.  Often we don't look at all sides when it comes to mass murder.  Think of the holocaust.  Why did people allow prejudice to occur?  Think of the Boston bombings.  Why did these two youngsters get forced into doing this tremendous and abhorrent act?  Think of Bradley Manning.  Is it possible that despite YEARS of going to the best universities and being brought up by affluent and socially responsible parents and after YEARS of having the BEST government training possible, that some asinine act by some whozit private could get a CIA operative killed?  For something so stupid as corrupt privates' belittling this whozit's gayness?  

Yeah, you'd best, we'd ALL best, start zeroing in on the causes of these "blow up" cases that begin with corrupt cops or just plain corrupt authority.  You see, every time you are harassed you need to be able to tell someone.  From children with corrupt parents to teenagers with corrupt teachers to soldiers, a la Bergdahl, with a "possibly" corrupt set of supervisors, to Iranians with a possibly corrupt government society that tells them the corruption is way up there with the USA government when really it's right here in your face with their immediate leaders.  

People that have nowhere to turn, demons, that have no system to turn to, are likely to blow up.  It's our duty to learn from the past, most especially from these PEOPLE that have lost their lives to SHOW us the lessons of a system that needs constant work.  

Do you remember Braveheart?  In that story, the police guy just wants some alone time with his wife.  Was that so wrong?  I mean it was the law that LORDS get to sleep with new wives and since the couple couldn't expose themselves, POOF, switcheroo time!  Like most individuals, that are of "guppy" status, they thought they could skirt it without people knowing.  One of the things I have come to learn from those things I just told you, that I am TELLING you so that you will learn, is that the people in government know everything.  It's their JOB to know.  If you don't like the government then get out of town or something but don't sit there in town and think you are doing something illegal... and they don't know about it.  And once everyone found out that this government was willing to cover up the possible rape and even KILL the rape victim, what happened next do you remember?  Do you remember William Wallace?  

That's why I like great movies... because the best stories are REAL.  

PS. Btw Alex, it's "the Sith".  You can't say "Siths", cuz THAT'S not a word.  :p

I'm like Jesus

BLM WHM SMN SCH THF RNG BRD MNK WAR DRK PLD > 99

Being an expert at customer service, a subject matter expert(SME), makes me BEST able to tell you how a person is going to react to different stimuli.  Moreover, that experience makes me BEST able to become the TEACHER that I always knew I would be.  The role for me now I wonder is whether to go into politics WITHOUT a law degree.  I have said it before that we all don't need an education really.  And if there are two sides to everything, if you have been subject to a great deal of DIVIDE, then you probably know what kind of job you should get.  

I was thinking just a minute ago, while on the can, that people in the PTA want to single you out as soon as possible to find out what groups you work in.  I was just watching parts of Sunshine Cleaning with Emily Blunt and Amy Adams for the umpteenth time and I remember how they picked on her kid for being a "special needs" kid even though he wasn't.  They were probably doing it because they knew she was poor and didn't like the fact she was a "third wheel" in a cop's marriage.   Further along, Amy tries to rely on her boyfriend that's still married and is a cop who is a pillar of righteousness but who ends up looking like a PILE of irresponsibility despite how sweet he is(nothing like me, NAHHH, not at ALL).

The part reminds me of my nephew who was held back in kindergarten for missing too many days at a time when my sister was a single mother hanging out with me at bars and was perhaps getting judged by her neighbors a bit too much.  

Every time you get asked questions by someone, rest assured they work for some GROUP that makes money off of demographics.  You shouldn't impart your secrets to just anyone and if so then impart them judiciously or else be prepared for attacks to come from out of nowhere.  

I could go on with examples, and thank god I have them, but my point is not that today.  My point is to tell you what kinds of jobs will be left when the musical chairs stop.  We studied this in philosophy by the way.  Chris, remember that story that was REQUIRED reading by a philosophy major?  It was called "The Limits of Trooghaft".  In said trials, people are met by aliens who can use telepathy and with the best of intentions... we become their slaves... and then we become their food.   It's a great story, about domination, despite being somewhat difficult to read, like most philosophical pieces.  But unlike most others, you can just chew this story up because it's so interesting a debate.  

And that's what these "witches" are yeah?  They want to know your secrets and not tell any of theirs.  They want to maintain an advantage.  They want to be able to control you with things or places or people you would rather avoid.  They want to use their "telepathy" and they want to make sure you don't have any.  In the end, they probably intend to eat you like most witches do in a story.  Witches deal in gossip.  

Further, it's during these times when you are at a PTA meeting or a Chamber of Commerce gathering, or maybe EVEN AT CHURCH, where you wonder why people want to know your business and ask you about things NOONE should know about.  Well, now you know why.  And the more this DIVIDE continues the more you can expect your society to fragment.  

But more importantly, the groups don't just get divided into two groups of equal measure, they get divided into regular people and an increasingly smaller ruling class.  That teacher that thought it was ok to hold my nephew back because she was doing society a favor by being hard on my sister, probably won't understand why it is that KINDERGARTEN stops being necessary, and why teachers become unnecessary and why poor people that can't afford online fees for education become unnecessary
and then pretty soon we just won't even need people.  Ha ha ha.  Well, by that I mean EYE won't need people cuz it'll be just me and a bunch of computers that keep track of all my money and where the drones are that keep the other EYES in their place.  

As you might wonder, and like I suggested to one of my cousin's daughters that live in Boca Raton, there will only be two professions left at the end of the world and I told them to either work for the military or become doctors.  And since joining the CIA is very hard, I recommend that they plan to join the CIA.  They are only 12 and 14 or so so they've got time and they've got good parents.  Any idiot can be a doctor.  If you go to a doctor(or DENTIST) and spend a bunch of money and you do what they say and it was a mistake... POOF you were better off not even going, and most especially not even spending money.  

For example, I still remember that video , from Caught on Camera, of that lady in Ecuador.  Ha ha HA.  I think I wrote about it already but it's so philosophically meaningful that I gotta mention it again. 

She is sitting in her house and a HUGE torrential flood is pouring down the side of her house after it rained.  It seems peaceful enough since it has stopped raining but just then her house start to fall apart.  The flood is pouring past both sides of her house now and quickly she picks up her dog and waits.  Minutes later, the rest of her house is frisked away by what is now a full on river of water that is barely close enough not to wisk her away.  Her destruction seems imminent and since she is on a hill, one can only imagine what calamity awaits her at the bottom of all of that muck and mud and water.  But people see her and after a long while they throw her a rope.  And oh boy is she a fat lady now... ha ha... she wishes she would have eaten less donuts I bet but anyways, she grabs the rope with one hand and her dog with the other and she can survive just holding on to the rope and her dog but having to weather the flood for quite a while to come.  Then as she gets close to the wall of where they will have to pull her up, she hesitates for a minute to decide what to do and then she DROPS the dog... OMG ha ha ha.  It's funny even now thinking about it.  The dog is so stupid for trusting her and if he was his wild self I have no doubt that he could swim and survive the flood but because he was held down calmly and then released suddenly into the flood, I have NO DOUBT it drowned.  

And it's visceral right? I mean it's not just a story but I can literally picture her in my mind making that choice of just lazily GIVING UP her dog to the river who she knows is gonna drown.  You can't make that up.  

Philosophically meaningful yes?  Sacrifice?

Ruling people gets easier and easier for the people in charge and it gets harder and harder for the people not in charge to stop them.  As you become richer and richer, you notice other rich people doing like you do, complaining often, asking sharp questions about price and maybe negotiating prices despite the fact that others don't, and even perhaps showing your kids how to do the same, BELIEVING that God gave you your money and that other people just don't work 50 hours a week(loophole hunting) like you do otherwise they would deserve 100 times a regular person's pay like you get.  

This is what is wrong.  This part is where you have ceased to be civilized.  I have told you before that being bestial is MUCH easier.  And that is what is happening to you.  You are dominating.  It's becoming more "natural order" for you and your kin and at the same time less civilized.  This is why being vigilant is so necessary and why it's so common is because civilization must be maintained.  IT TAKES EFFORT.  To relax, is to lose it.  To relax and let it all happen to you is to allow yourself to become a beast.  

Now I know I have said before that hatred is unnatural and it is but this part, the part where you stop caring about others is not hatred, it's normalcy.  If you don't make an effort, you will find yourself alone not because you are hateful(hateful people DAMAGE others), you will simply PREFER not to be around others and that's natural.  It's natural to be selfish.  But that's not civilized.  

I have spent FOUR YEARS cooped up in this room.  If I go to the gas station people follow me on the road with their lights on.  If I act up in my room, the phone rings, the screen buzzes, the satellite gets jammed.  Sometimes I struggle with the garage door(I enter a code and a signal gets sent to close it) because it seems like someone is JAMMING the signal actively so as to frustrate me and keep the door open.  I used to find items moved in my car which btw uses one of those FOP electronic thingys that perhaps is not so hard to copy.  I could go on but fact is I have been beleagured by people that apparently don't want me to tell someone where the treasure is buried or where X marks the spot.  But it also occurs to me that this is a perfect control experiment for how long criminals should be put in jail.  Since I messed up and criminals have put me in jail for 4 years then it seems only fair that criminals get a 4 year minimum for when THEY mess up.  See?  Now you can use what I have learned.  And maybe the whole hatred thing needs to go away so people don't have to suffer like I have suffered right here IN FRONT of everyone's eyes.  

This is what civilization is, a lack of hatred that pushes us into being beasts(lycans); and an excess of vigilance that stops us from feeding excessively off of others(vampires).  So do as I tell you and stop doing what is forbidden like spouting hatred and fooling people and using telepathy and gossiping and making others suffer.  

"That which you do unto the least of these, you do unto me."  Jesus

I am like Jesus.  I don't tell you what's forbidden.  I SHOW you what's forbidden.  

PS.  We should all strive to be like Jesus so if you didn't like the title then slap yourself and repeat after me...
"Jesus loves me this I know, (slap yourself), cuz the Bible tells me so, (slap yourself)..." now I forgot the rest so I just slapped myself... you're welcome... btw I have been watching Eric Burnett a lot recently and I noticed and can't help but wonder if all of us should actually be having sex missionary style.  I mean it seems so out of the norm.  I remember my gf asking me during sex to kind of lift my whole body up OFF of her during sex.  I wonder if it might even be the cause of scoliosis in women.  It occurs to me now that that whole missionary thing... well... it's just wrong... and no... No... I'm not gonna show you. 
And I'm not saying that because Rachel has some GREAT posture either... nope... not saying that.  

Angry tooth

BLM WHM SMN SCH THF RNG BRD MNK WAR DRK PLD > 99

It's a hard thing to look at your decaying tooth and then wonder about your life.  At your core, you feel that it's possible to regenerate that tooth, to have your smile again.  It's funny that never before did I feel this ENVY towards others' smile like I do now.  Such a simple thing to have, such a simple thing... to lose it.  

My life is like that.  It's a great deal decayed.  I have many enemies that I can't report or touch or even affect.  My attempts to capture them on camera or to point my finger at them have failed and although I can maintain my current level of happiness by cutting off contact with possible enemies by not going out or by cutting off the internet cable, by staying CLEAN, I feel there is no way perhaps to get back to my previously happy and sociable karaoke-singing self.  

It's like I have been warning you with government.  It only turns ONE way.  You get more and more corrupt but your reputation only gets worse not better.  The controls only work one way, they go in, they NEVER come out.  And while the billionaires have got you all fooled thinking that the Republicans are the ones to be afraid of and that they are the crazy party of the rich people, who somehow know a lot of poor people that are divisive and prideful churchgoers... I know, that it's the controls we should be fearing.  MORE GOVERNMENT is what we should be fearing or at least should be  slowing.  Monopolies are happening everywhere and businesses are going ape-shit with people's rights and with employee's wages.  

Do you remember studying about Caveat Emptor? It's a certain policy that was put in place right before civil war broke out in Europe.  It means "let the buyer beware".  It means the government is basically in collusion with the businesses.  Instead of the government, watching out for citizens, they let the businesses have free reign.  We don't let the government work in collusion with religion right?  So why do we allow it to work with businesses? 

Hmmf.  

Trust me when I say that only after it is too late, after the musical chairs have stopped, will we realize that we can't TAKE AWAY the controls.  And if the big regulators aren't there to break apart the monopolies, if what they do is break up AT&T, and BELL SOUTH, a utility, and then basically corral all those services into one or two private companies that are FREE from having to risk jail time while they decide instead of having the public's interests at heart, that they have the stockholder's interests at heart, then we have already lost.  Our regulators are basically waiting for checks in the mail and sitting on their hands.  Private companies/corporations/gangs with license, are making MORE money than the cities they are a part of and what that means is... more mercenaries than cops.  It means more charity balls, than town halls meetings.  It means more chamber of commerce's "what does your lordship propose" instead of ELECTIONS.  

It's a lot like Katie Holmes said in Abandon, in a moment of clarity, her character who is brilliant and wise speaks to her "too nice" guy friend on his way to a protest and with a sigh and says "you can't stop globalization".  

When beautiful women lose hope, it's compelling.  Remember the elf queen in Lord of the Rings?  "ALL will love me and despair!"  Yeah, that.  Men are force.  Women are charm.  That's the happy sad face of theater.  Force is preceded by laughter, charm is preceded by melancholy.  Women know all about melancholy, I'm guessing.  

I'm wondering where is Ann Coulter.  I need her to be watching this race for whatever it's worth.  I have a feeling her razor sharp wit will be needed to at least figure somehow into the election if it's going to be fair.  

Once I had a sad conversation with a bartender girl that told me "everybody lies".  To which I thought to myself, that's crazy I don't lie.  It's not normal to lie.  Yet, maybe it's 50/50.  It brought me down.  Still another girl I picked up at a bar told me that EVERYONE smoked pot, and knowing who she was, I was sure that she believed it herself, so I have wondered at it myself also.  Is illegality just something EVERYONE ponders?  I don't ponder illegality, but I DO ponder plenty of stuff that is legal.  If you've ever hyper-ventilated before sex, smoked a regular cigarette half down to the filter at once and then tasted your scotch, slightly spun out you too powerful muscle car, then you know what to do when you want to "safely" test extremes.  That's what I do or DID, I guess.  

I find myself now realizing that my ordered world is not 60/40 or 70/30, but it's even.   People lie to defend themselves even if they are good people because that's what it means to lie is to attack someone, so to defend against an attack, you have to return attacks.  Lying is the LACK of peace.  Questions are a LACK of peace.  Questions should be shared by people that are on the same side.  

This makes you wonder at journalists yeah?  I mean aren't we all in this COUNTRY on the same side?  And yet some people think it's just plain normal to lie and to ask questions that are none of your business and to feel the pregnant woman's belly because after all, that's the community's baby, yeah?  

Well, food for thought I guess.  Me and my angry tooth are taking a break.  

Look what happens

BLM WHM SMN SCH THF RNG BRD MNK WAR DRK PLD > 99

So I recently had a tooth filling fall out.  I don't understand how a filling can be rigid and immovable for 30 plus years and then suddenly fall out but I believe it has to do with some medicine called Escitaloprine, I think.  Everyone in our family has skin problems.  If we wash often it doesn't remain so much but if I go two or three days without showering, I am basically riddled with blotches and I have some itching occur.  

We all believe my brother brought it back from when he worked at a chicken factory long ago and as with most infestations, you can only cut swaths of it out but you can scarcely eradicate it.  But it's been years of dealing with it so I have just grown accustomed to having it and, because it exists, it has made washing regularly, especially the sheets and your underwear, a necessity; even though we really didn't need to wash often at all before the infestation.  

Once, when I resolved to get rid of the infestation, I completely changed out ALL of the clothes I used and sat myself in the tub for hours on end to relax on the days I had off.  Over time, I got rid of all the splotches, and not just a few of the crabs, and cured myself of the infestation.  

But I got them again recently because I used some of my mother's comforters over the winter and so meh, I had it again.  

But recently I have been feeling down, (GOD KNOWS WHY!!!), and so I relayed to her my sentiments to which she noticed I had the splotches again and recommended some medicine.  Now it turns out that the medicine is ALSO an anti-depressant so I didn't know what to expect which is why I am writing this is so that ALL OF YOU can know what to expect.  

Now the LAST thing I will ever agree to is some form of mental treatment.  Once you publicly and voluntarily take mental treatment pills, if you aren't JAY MOHR producer, actor, comedian, I run this whole show did you like it now step off my porch guy; you probably forever-more will be associated as someone that is unstable.  This means us/them right?  Now it's ok to attack you, and moreover it's ok for the police to KILL you probably because "he's not one of us".  

Remember that CNN news story where that mom calls the police on her son who is sitting outside on a chair pissed off, so the police show up and blithely shoot him dead?  Good job, Mom!  Next time maybe you leave your whole crazy son talk at home before you call the police, yeah?!!!

Next thing you see is a pissed off mom at the police and you think to yourself, could this happen to me?  Could police just start shooting?  Well, it happens. 

I don't go out much so it's natural to think that I must order whores to come visit me at home, but no, I don't order whores, so whatever else happens INSTEAD of whores... well that medicine keeps it from happening... you were warned.  Basically you become a basket case but still able to function.  The best word I would use to describe it is "medicated".  You can't tell you are medicated but you feel your extremes tapered off... if you will.  You don't get extremely happy or excited but it also keeps you from being extremely down.  

It's like Jay Mohr said on his show, he said that he couldn't pleasure his wife once he went on anti-depressants and now I see what he meant.  You still get erections... you just don't get, or it's very difficult to get, ejaculations.  

Remember that this is all opinion.  I can't lay exact blame on the pills or the lotion or the cough syrup, all that I can say is PROBABLY this is why.  

Another side-effect I want to mention that you will take notice of is your teeth.  I got my first cavity in 30 years way back in the back of one of my wisdom teeth.  Nothing special I thought but I wondered how I didn't notice it sooner.  Then as I mentioned before, one of my fillings came out.  I used to love to chew on that side too but meh, I started to just live with it, constantly picking food out of the hole.  Then one day my teeth started to hurt at the gumline.  I used to LOVE chewing ice most especially as a way to roundabout clean my teeth of particles but I couldn't do that anymore.  Even cold water went right into the hole and made that part of my mouth hurt a bunch.  

And last but not least a new cavity, this time on one of my front teeth.  HOW did this happen?  It was right there but hidden on the gum part and since my mouth was SO DRY all the time, I couldn't feel the hole until one day my tongue goes up there and it turns how to be a big huge cavity.  

Disgusting.  

Now, I didn't put all of this together right away and soon after some godforsaken piece of bone chip from a sausage made its way into the hole and I was forced to pick it out and it shattered a BUNCH of my molar out with it, soon after that, I was left with a much more serious problem with that molar... basically a bigger hole.  What's worse is that over time I got used to, once again, clearing food from the hole and this last time a piece of cold cuts sandwich, that is much more difficult to chew, finally broke off a big part of the molar and I was left with what looks like a Venus D'Milo looking half-tooth that I resolved to visit the dentist to have it looked at.  

Now I don't get too much pain from these things because long ago I learned that if you just clear out the food from the nerves, usually using hot water and mouth wash and cold water and ice, it all heals and gets better, so I am reticent to visit the dentist at all when I can resolve the problem myself.  

When I finally went, I asked them not to take an x-ray but they said they couldn't make a diagnosis without the x-ray.  So then they took FOUR x-rays.  

What's funny is that then they performed a pain test.  What's a pain test you wonder?  Well when patients have half of their molar missing, it's normal for the doctor to perform a pain test.  The assistant asks you on a scale of one to 10, how much does this hurt, as she hits your half-tooth with a metal hammer.  Luckily she did that only THREE times.  My tooth was sore the next day but I sure was more willing to forgo the EXPENSE of a future visit... 

So there you have it, 10 years of singing karaoke at nightclubs and associating with drug-dealers and whores and not one assault... but let me get unemployed and be broke and sit in my house all day and look what happens... 

PS. btw, I didn't knowingly associate with drug-dealers and whores, just like I didn't knowingly commit illegal acts with drugs or drive drunk, but I HAVE stopped doing so, once I understood it was happening.  I used to believe that driving drunk was ok as long as they couldn't stop you.  Why? Because they had to have probable cause, which meant that I would have to break a law before they could tell that I was drunk.  But that didn't happen... drive-thru lady just said THERE GO THE DRUNK GUY, and over he comes skippity do dah "how you doin', have ya bin 'rinkin?"  But I have STOPPED bad behavior, ALL bad behavior and if I have to live within the "spirit" of the law then so be it.  We all have a duty to do as I did and re-assess how you live and if other people are getting tired of seeing you drunk in public(or even smoking weed in public... SARAH), maybe it's time to relent.  I still often want to go right back to drinking and socializing but that last sting was too hard and it took SO LITTLE to knock my ass out for a year+.  It's a wonder that drinking in public is allowed at all.  HOW is it even possible for people to park their cars and drink in public is what I'm wonderin'. 

It sounds so stupid

BLM WHM SMN SCH THF RNG BRD MNK WAR DRK PLD > 99

I am amazed how little I can remember about what I want to write, once I am sitting in front of the keyboard.  If I am watching a movie, mounds and mounds of ideas come up, or if I am in the shower, or sometimes on the can or even when I'm driving, I can get ideas; but let me get all set up to write, after having set the anti-virus, then having loaded up Twitter or even after getting some food and drink, let me be all set to write something and the subject matter will escape me like the point of my dreams after I am awake.  

I am sitting here now, after having watched the President give the speech regarding Iran and I can't remember what I was thinking while I was watching him.  Oh yeah, I was partially thinking that maybe Secretary Kerry should try running for President again.  I mean it's not like we NEED Hillary(it just occurred to me that if I spell Hillary as Hilary, as in hilarious, it's kind of insulting) and even though she is a freight train politician(ie. with a ton of credentials), I am dismayed that better opponents than Elizabeth Warren haven't shown up to offer opposition.  Senator Warren is a junior member of Congress.  She may have all the preparation in the world  mentally but she is a lot like me I think in believing that people without a firm hold of where they are and what they are doing, who then move on, eventually lose the DESIRE to have a firm hold of things.  That's why she needs to "refine" her position and establish a power base in Congress which will be quite difficult in the coming years.  The difficulties Obama had, because he was a junior member of Congress when elected, should not be lost to the wind, they should be celebrated and counted as obstacles we can expect in the future.  

People can be as wise as Pai-Mei, as strong as Pai-Mei, as feared as Pai-Mei, but if you have no experience with people... POOF sorry about your fish heads and where'd that poison come from?  

Hillary is a great choice but more choices are needed and like I said earlier, all the rich people want is to be able to predict the future... we should not make it easy for them.  In fact we should make it as expensive as possible.  We should enjoy making the choice difficult just as they enjoy finding a loophole and abusing it.  We should relish in our "freedom" from oppressors by making the future as difficult to predict as possible.  THAT is real freedom.  

I believe Elizabeth Warren is fated to be a great politician.  

Fate is a part of nature.  Rich people determine fate.  If you are young and you are struggling to know what FATE is, fate is math.  Fate is what you can expect to achieve in life.  What everyone thinks, matters.  If you grew up in a fishing village and suddenly you are trying to expand your store in the city, people are not going to like you.  If you grew up in the city walking the streets at night and then put some criminals in jail, people are going to be able to expect you and laud your attempts to sell things.  Fate is simply an expectation or perhaps your potential.  Potential is the short word for we expect you to crack the gene code or establish warp drive, after you have achieved great things in school.  

But everything costs.  

For example, I had big dreams in high school.  I was a leader of the FBLA, skipped my senior year, planned to go to summer school and graduate in Math at 19.  But you can't expect great things if you don't have support.  That's fate also.  Rich parents would have kept me in school but I didn't have that.  Rich parents would have put my two siblings in college, but we didn't have that.  I wasn't fated to graduate college.  

An opportunity arose later somehow and I WAS able to go to college by using my employer's tuition coverage.  That's NOT fate.  

Now that I had sufficient money to cover school, I resolved to graduate with a triple major and go to law school.  Fate again.  Then my BFF gets kicked in the head, ruining my mindset at a time when I had an 18 hour course load.  That's NOT fate.  

In the back of mind you have to wonder if someone was watching and ALLOWED me to finish college or if it was all just luck.  It would have been horrible to never actually be able to finish college, and twice I was offered promotion at Citibank while I was going to school, but I turned it down knowing that a chance to finish college would be like a permanent upgrade as opposed to a perhaps temporary promotion.  And the promotion was not that great.  I was going to be a coach, not a manager.  And yet, there's no way to become a manager without being a coach first so it was kind of my fault, though at the time I thought I could SKIP being a coach if I had my full degree to offer.  Later on and EVEN NOW, I see that the degree ain't worth squat.  

I could have accepted that promotion in 94, so that would have been 20 years of being at LEAST a manager if not more and instead I spent it all as an associate, deluding myself that over time I would get the opportunity to go to law school part-time and maybe work for the company somehow.   I even went part-time so that I could be ready to go to law school as soon as I saved up enough money which of course was now much LESS money which made saving enough money that much harder.  The cost was 13k a semester so all I had to do was save 58k and poof I could start school...  despite working part-time. 

It sounds so stupid now.    

Degrees and the opportunities to get them are rare, but opportunities at management, are the MOST rare.  Even at McDonald's I practically had to bend backwards to warrant training to be a manager and once I started to train, I realized instantly that there were many others being passed over so that I could train.  People were working the drive-thru and cooking while I was back there watching cooking videos.  People were moving goods off the truck and making biscuits while I was learning how to count registers and open the safe.  People got their schedules changed all over the place while my schedules started to get posted a month ahead of time.  

Do you see how that works?  Trust, man.  Trust is everything.  Once you are management it's all about the trust and even an education gets trumped by that.  In fact you should take another look at your relative's business if you can and wonder at working there because once you have TRUST on your resume, like showing that you managed the store by yourself or that you were trusted to count money or that you could balance an inventory sheet, that is what is going to get you past that awful feeling when you read "previous experience required".   People don't REALLY care if you have experience doing the job, what they want is to cover their butts and if you can show TRUST on your resume, they can take a leap and trust you in a new job, even when that's not really a leap in your eyes.   

As an advocate to my many younger selves that hopefully want to grow up to be great leaders, I cannot stress to you enough that you MUST make yourself ambitious even if it's not natural for you to do so.   You must seek help or advice because some lessons will be plainly obvious only AFTER the opportunity to win has passed.  

If people offer you anything, quit everything else and take it.  My sister was once offered a promotion but would have had to leave town for months to keep the job but she didn't take it, even though, even for ME, that would have been a promotion, and she doesn't have a degree.  But she wanted to stay close by.  She wanted to stay close to her husband and her son.  She CARED about Jacksonville, pfft, which to me of course is like WTH were you THINKING?  She says she is happy but I know she won't see an opportunity like that again.  

So I guess what I am saying is to always have a plan to escape if an opportunity is offered.  Thinking about it more now,  you know, that's exactly when stuff like this happens is when you're happy.  

I betcha the day Alex gets comfy, she will be offered the night spot, the day Rachel gets her own corner office at the top floor, CNN will offer to double her salary to leave MSNBC, the day SECupp gets her own show, she will be offered a movie role.  It's like I tell ya, FATE is all those people watching from afar.  I liken those people to God, because that is what God is is just a whole bunch of goodwill.  Naw, I take that back, God is a bunch of people, who 50/50 want you to win.  And you know what those people are right?  They want to bet.  Yeah, those are the ones that drive Vengeance.  THOSE are God, those are Galactus.  Vengeance is natural and you know what they say about Mother Nature? 

It's like in the movie Clash of the Titans.  All the gods are gathered together, perhaps betting, with some of them acting on the little people but all of them knowing that it's forbidden without approval.  THEY are Vengeance.  Persius, because he was son of a god, was destined or fated to be a god but only if he could prove himself noble in the face of danger.  

A while back, I wondered how long until the Kracken/Galactus was unleashed, lol.  I'm still waiting... Gods HELLO! Guilty people over here!!!  Well... if vengeance brought people pleasure there would probably be a lot more of it so it's probably best not to ask for it.  

My fate was to be a leader and I expect it is going to happen but at the moment I wonder if I even want to be in good shape again.  I remember once a while back I was in the night club talking to some people.  I had told them that I wanted to build my influence and to get to know a great deal of people so that one day I might run for Congress.  It stings me now to see how that's not gonna happen but what stings more is that I remember this one girl, the wife of the karaoke guy, chuckling at the thought of me being elected.  And here I thought we were all friends.  What made her think I COULDN'T get elected I wonder?  And that reminds me of another time many years earlier when I was on the phone with my girlfriend who was a manager of a McDonald's and she was sitting there with her other manager friends and I told her that one day I would be a store manager, and all her friends had themselves a nice little chuckle, then my girlfriend whispered into the phone that she thought I would make a good store manager.  

Still, why?  Why the chuckling?  I don't get where people think I am not responsible enough to be a manager?  Oh sure I have had problems but I am not on drugs or addicted to anything or have problems organizing or being no time(perhaps NOW I do).  I went back and looked at my yearbook photos in college and I did notice that I dressed rather flamboyantly for a Baptist college.  Nobody else wore spotted leather pants or striped stuff or put Gerbaud jeans or Cavaricci pants on layaway like I did.  I was a nut for good clothes back then even though in reality I wasn't very rich.   I wonder if in reality to everyone else I was a wild person or had a wild personality even though looking at myself in the mirror, I thought I was totally in control and dominating my territory even though I didn't fight or drink or smoke or even ask women out... 

it sounds so stupid.  

PS. So what I am saying then is that when you think you are winning, you still need to TAKE that victory.  It's not enough to just BE ABLE to win, like I did most of the time, you have to MAKE yourself ambitious.